


Don't Look Back (Keep Your Eyes on Me)

by Cottonstones



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: F/M, M/M, Misunderstandings, Multi, Pegging, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-17
Updated: 2015-06-17
Packaged: 2018-04-04 19:07:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 36,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4149441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cottonstones/pseuds/Cottonstones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It's just...clearly, you're stuck on Dan, even if you don’t want to admit it, so I don't think fucking anyone else will ever be enough. Barry will never be enough..." Ross trails off for a moment, his eyes taking on a faraway look. Arin feels like fucking shit. "<i>I</i> will never be enough. You'll never be satisfied because we're not Dan."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Look Back (Keep Your Eyes on Me)

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "Shut Up and Dance" by Walk the Moon.

Arin fucking hates the carpet in Ross's bedroom. It's rough and not at all comfortable enough for him to want to walk barefoot on. Holly can't have picked this carpet. This has Ross written all over it. Arin hates the carpet, but, still, here he is, on his hands and knees, the scratchy carpet creating rough little prick points that press into the tender skin of his knees and the palms of his hands. Normally, he'd complain, loud, exaggerated, but, right now, he can do little more than keep himself upright.

Ross is behind him, his cold fingertips pressed delicately against the back of Arin's thighs, soft, like everything else they've been doing isn't hard, like a touch too rough might break Arin. Ross sinks two fingers suddenly, deftly, into Arin, causing him to groan, loud and low. Well, Arin breaking might not be too far off base.

Ross is smirking. Arin can just _feel_ it. "I think I'm stretched enough, dude," Arin says, his voice surprising him with the deep lilt to it, the breathless quality. Seriously, Ross has been fingering him for at least twenty minutes. Arin appreciates the thought and effort, but, at some point, Ross's meticulous application of lube became less for Arin's benefit and more for Ross's enjoyment.

Ross rubs the base of Arin's spine, scissoring the two fingers inside of him. Arin's arms wobble and he moans despite himself. His dick is heavy and hard between his legs, bobbing up against his stomach. He hasn't touched himself - he's saving that for when Ross actually gets his ass in gear and _fucks_ him - but it's so hard to wait.

"But you look like you're enjoying yourself," Ross says. Arin can hear the self-satisfied smile on Ross's face. His fingers slide deeper as he talks. "You're so slick now. You're so open and you just want _more_." Ross's voice has gone deep, sloppy, his accent slipping through with less concentration. Arin's face is hot - fuck, his whole body is hot - and he just wants...he does. He wants this so, so much.

"Ross," Arin says, beginning to sound pleading.

"Is that it? You do want more?" Ross adds a third finger, pressing deep and just teasing at that little spot deep inside of Arin that makes him fucking lose it every time. It's only a passing tease - Ross knows that Arin doesn't want to come until he's being fucked. Arin's arms shake, hands sweating against the rough carpet.

" _Ross_ ," Arin says again, definitely begging.

Ross removes his fingers. Arin hates feeling empty, the sudden loss of it. He peeks over his shoulder, his hair sticking to his face; he can see Ross opening the shiny tin of a condom. Ross meets his gaze, smiles all loving and caring, like he isn't being a total asshole for making Arin wait for this for so long.

Arin looks at the floor, listening to the sound of Ross opening the bottle of lube, the little hiss of pleasure as Ross slicks himself up to make it easier for Arin. His heart is beating a mile a minute in his chest. Arin takes deep breathes, his whole body tingling with anticipation. He wants to touch himself so fucking bad. He's about to call out to Ross again when he feels the thick, blunt head of Ross's dick against his entrance. Ross rubs the head of his dick against Arin's hole, teasing, always fucking teasing, but Arin doesn’t say shit. He can't. It's so good.

In one, smooth press, Ross is easing himself inside of Arin. Ross is slow and he did a good job of prepping Arin. He always does. Ross doesn't stop pushing until he's bottoming out inside of Arin. He's inside of Arin completely, no space between them.

"Fuck," Arin pants.

Ross holds Arin's hips, sweet and soft. Goddamn Ross, always trying to make things romantic.

Ross starts to pull out and Arin hisses, but they've talked about this, they've done this so many times, and Ross knows what he's doing. Arin knows that he'll get what he wants from Ross.

Ross thrusts back inside of Arin, hard, and Arin fucking drops his top half against the awful carpeting. His arms are folded against the floor and his face is lying against his forearm. The new position pushes Arin's ass up in the air, pushes Ross that much deeper in, lets Ross in even more.

"Holy shit," Ross says with a grunt as he sets up his rhythm. He's fucking Arin now, just the way that Arin likes it. His hips snap against Arin's ass, his thrusts quick, deep. Arin's body is burning, his lungs heaving, and, finally, finally, he gets a hand between his legs and wraps his fingers around his cock. It feels so good having a dick inside of him. Arin can't fucking believe how good it is, every time.

Arin squeezes at the base of his dick. His cock twitches in his hand. He's leaking pre-cum already, has been for so long now that he feels like he won't last much longer. Ross's grip tightens on Arin's hips, squeezing a little harder now, enough that Arin can feel the graze of sharp nails against his skin.

"Fuck, Arin," Ross says, his voice a delicious groan. "No matter how much I stretch you or how often you're fucked...you're always so goddamn tight. Fuck."

Arin tightens around Ross's dick, loving the little hiss that he gets back in return. He's stroking himself now, quick drags of his hand to match Ross's thrusts.

"Can you... _shit_. Can you go a little faster?" Arin asks.

That's all the permission Ross needs to set a harder speed. Arin takes a moment to drink it all in: the sound of Ross's hips meeting Arin's ass, the bite of Ross's nails, the pulse of his own hard dick in his hand, and, best of all, the near-brutal deep thrusts of Ross fucking him, fucking him so good, so fast, and so hard. Really, he's the only one who will give it to Arin this way. Suzy's tried, but she still worries about hurting him. Barry is even worse with his concern for Arin's asshole. Ross will do it as hard as Arin asks him to because he knows that that's what Arin wants and he knows that it isn't what Arin always gets.

Arin rubs his thumb under the head of his dick, tries to do that little move that Suzy always does, the same one that she told Barry to try on him. Meanwhile, behind him, Ross is babbling. He always gets like that when it starts feeling really fucking good. Arin's whole body shifts with each thrust from Ross, his knees rubbing the uncomfortable carpet, promising to leave a nice pink burn that Arin will be able to look at a day from now and remember every detail of this fuck.

"Fuck, dude, Arin...I wish, man, I wish that you could see yourself. I wish that you could see how you look, man. You're fucking amazing like this. You just take it all, _fuck_." Arin is used to Ross talking a lot during sex. He likes it, the stream of consciousness that pours out of him when he can barely control himself. "You're opened so wide for me. God, you feel so good."

Arin's jerking himself off roughly, panting heavily against the carpet, and he can't fucking see because his hair is stuck to his sweat-slick face. He doesn't care. It's too good.

"I wish that they could all see you like this," Ross says. Arin only half-hears him over his own building climax, but then Ross says something that definitely catches Arin's ear. "Jesus, what if Dan saw you like this?"

Arin moans desperately, almost on reflex, like he had no control over it. He wants to tell Ross no, wants to say, not _that_ , but he doesn’t stop him and Ross keeps going, keeps babbling.

"Fuck, could you imagine it? Could you imagine Dan seeing what you look like right now? Your ass so slick, so open and wet, up in the air because you want it that bad? He'd see your hard dick, you fucking jerking yourself off, and your mouth... _fuck_ , Arin, he'd see your pink, wet mouth open, too, because you can't keep quiet to save your life."

Arin's fingers move impossibly fast over his dick, his heart feeling like it's about to explode out of his chest.

"Dan would be watching you like this. He'd see this side of you. He'd see how much you just want to be fucked -”

And then it's too much and Arin is picturing it. He's picturing Danny standing in front of him, watching, brown eyes blown wide as he watched Arin get fucked. That's it. That's all he needs. His orgasm slams into him. He comes all over his fingers and probably on Ross's ugly, awful carpet too. The whole world spins out of control for a few seconds, wild, dizzy. Arin shudders and tightens around Ross.

"Fuck!" Ross moans and its one, two, hard thrusts before Ross freezes against Arin. He can feel Ross's hips twitching, feel his cock jerking as he comes. Ross collapses over Arin, the both of them hot and sticky. Arin feels a wet little kiss on the back of his neck and he rolls his eyes as the world comes back into focus.

"You just kissed me. Yuck," Arin says weakly.

Ross snorts, kissing the back of his neck again. He's always so touchy after sex, even more so than usual. "Yeah, kissing is _totally_ gross. Not, like, you know, my dick being in your ass or anything."

"Yeah, get it together, man," Arin says.

Ross is still inside of him and Arin loves this part, too, the last few moments before it's over, when Ross is still kinda hard, still filling him up, but is going soft. He ruffles Arin's hair.

"I'm going to pull out, okay?" he says. Arin grunts his acknowledgment. Ross slips from Arin, leaving him empty again. He stretches out on the carpet, feeling the itchy pinpoints prickling against his stomach and his own rapidly softening cock. He still feels open and, if he concentrates, he can feel full again.

Ross is lying next to him on the floor, running his index finger down Arin's spine, tracing little shapes against his back. "Want to take a shower with me?" Ross asks.

"A shower could be good," Arin says. He's not keen on driving home covered in sweat and spunk.

\--

Post-shower and Arin is sitting on the arm of Ross's couch, rubbing his damp hair with a towel.

"Hey," Ross says as he pads out into the living room, dressed in sweatpants, his own towel hanging loose around his bare shoulders. Arin looks up at him, pushing his hair out of his face. Ross bites his lip. "I hope I didn't, like, go over the line by bringing up Dan?"

Arin lets the towel hang loose from his fingers, the wet ends brushing the hardwood floor of the living room. For a second, he goes blank. That's a whole ball, a whole _mess_ that he doesn't want to get into. He doesn't want to lose that nice, sated feeling that he always gets after he's been fucked.

"What?" Arin laughs, not totally forced, but not completely convincing, either. "No, it's cool, dude. I was so close to coming that I didn't even take it in." Lies, all lies. Imagining Dan seeing him in that brief moment when he was so vulnerable and exposed was hot, hotter than it should be...hot when he was being fucked, but it's shifted now, moved into this terrifying image afterward.

Ross, though, seems convinced. He smiles in relief. "Good. You wanna stick around for dinner? Holly is trying some new vegan stuff, but it's actually really amazing."

Arin shakes his head. "Rain check?"

Ross nods. It isn't awkward after he fucks one of his friends, not like one might think it would be. Arin loves these guys, trusts them in business and trusts them with his body. It's all normal, going from having Ross inside of him to fucking around during a recording of Steam Train. It's normal...normal for them.

\--

Back in the car, on the way home, Arin can't shake what Ross had said. It bothers him more that Ross had to ask him about Dan, like it was something worthy of talking about outside of the dirty talk, like it's a sore spot for Arin or something. He frowns at himself in the rear view mirror. Real talk: Dan is his best friend, the person he trusts more than anyone (outside of Suzy). It's always with Dan that Arin finds himself the most open, the most free. It's that feeling of freedom that so many times has lead Arin to saying _way_ more than he should during a Grump episode.

Arin can be honest with Dan about so much, except for this thing that makes up a huge part of him. Sure, he knows Arin jokes about fucking guys, but he's sure Dan has no clue that two of his best friends happen to occasionally fuck the shit out of his other best friend. It's been happening long enough and with enough frequency that Arin feels like he should say something. He's always meant to say something, but it isn't an easy conversation to have, unlike every other conversational topic he's covered with Dan.

There's some mild traffic on the way home, which gives Arin enough time to put on one of his audiobooks. It's a surefire way to take his mind off of Dan and the fact that they're all sort of hiding this big secret from him.

The audiobook trick works and, by the time Arin turns on to his street, he's feeling a lot better about the whole situation - that is, until he gets to his house and pulls into the driveway, finding Dan's car already parked there. Arin stops short, confused for a moment, until he remembers that Dan was stopping over to talk to Suzy about her making some props for him. Arin's fingers tighten around the steering wheel. His mind helpfully reminds him that he just came half an hour ago because Ross had mentioned Dan. Danny. Daniel. His best friend. The same best friend that he's about to see face-to-face, that has no idea what Arin just got done doing.

"Goddamn it, Ross," Arin mutters as he kills the ignition, slipping from his car and heading inside.

\--

Suzy and Dan are in the dining room. All of Suzy's sketchbooks are splayed across the hardwood surface. The two of them are sitting together, Suzy holding out a sketchbook for Dan to look at and Dan cradling a cup of tea in his hands. They both look up at him when he enters the room, twin loving smiles aimed right at Arin.

"Hey, babe," Suzy says sweetly. Unlike Dan, she knows where Arin came from and what he did today. If Dan weren't over, the two of them would probably fall into their usual routine where he tells her what happened, how it was, how he felt...but Dan is there, so that conversation will have to wait.

Arin bends down to plant a kiss on Suzy's cheek, Dan 'aw'-ing like he hasn't seen them do it a million times before. "Hi, honey," Dan says, teasing, waving his fingers in what Arin is guessing is supposed to be a cute wave, but it just looks weird when coming from Dan. Still, Arin laughs and rolls his eyes. He can't quite meet Dan’s gaze full-on, his cheeks threatening to pink at the memory of his earlier session with Ross.

"How's all of the prop business going?" Arin asks instead.

"Aw, man, it's awesome. Suzy is gonna make me some bomb-ass shit."

"That's great," Arin says. He glances down at the sketchbook lying across Suzy's lap. The drawings are the same ones that she had asked him about a few nights ago. "Would Dan like this?" she had asked him because that was normal, too, because Arin knows Dan.

"Hey, so, Suzy mentioned that you were hanging at Ross's place. You should have called me, man!" Dan says, setting his cup of tea down on the only small patch of table that isn't occupied by the sketchbooks.

Arin thinks that maybe he goes pale, maybe for just a second, but he recovers, slipping the mask back into place. "Ah, it was spur of the moment. You didn't miss much." Except he was missing a lot. Dan was missing whole sides of them, not exactly their most important sides or sides that mean that their friendship can't function. Dan's fine. He really doesn't need to know what it is that he's missing. "I'd better leave you guys to your business," Arin says. He's a little eager to get away from Dan for a minute so that he can decompress from his session with Ross.

Dan cocks his head, looking between Suzy and Arin. "Well, I mean, we kind of already sorted out what we're going to do. Right, Suzy?" Dan asks.

Suzy knows that Arin's a little off right now. She always knows, but it would be more off if she were to make excuses to keep Dan around, so she nods. "I think we got it. I'm excited to start!" Her voice is chipper, but her eyes slide to Arin, a hint of worry dancing behind them.

Dan doesn't seem to notice. Instead, he heads toward the living room with Arin in tow. The TV in the living room is already on and there's some movie on that Arin doesn't recognize. Dan plops down on the couch and looks up expectantly at Arin. Arin doesn't sit next to Dan. Instead, he picks the smaller loveseat, sitting down gingerly. It's the price that he pays for asking for a good, hard fucking. It's probably better that Suzy and Barry don't give him the same treatment.

"You okay?" Dan asks, motioning to the way Arin had just sat down.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I think I tweaked something when I was working out."

"Okay," Dan says, though, just as Suzy had done, his gaze slips to Arin, remaining a few seconds longer than usual. Arin doesn't focus on his gaze, his dark eyes; he doesn't imagine what it would be like to have all of Dan's attention. He definitely doesn't imagine himself on his knees, looking up at that fixed gaze...

"Arin?" Dan asks.

"What?" Arin says, realizing that he hadn't been paying attention. His face feels hot and he thinks that he might be frowning again.

"I said, do you want to control the remote or should I?" Dan asks.

"Oh. You go ahead."

Dan already has the remote in his hand, but he doesn't change the channel. Instead, he taps the top of the remote against his chin, his eyes still fixed on Arin. "Are you sure that you're okay?"

"Yeah, man."

Dan doesn't push; he never does. He's good about that. He's always there to listen and drink it all in, but he never presses. Arin loves that - and several other things - about him.

Dan finds a movie on the TV that Arin doesn't know the name of. Dan hadn't mentioned it - or, if he did, then Arin missed it - but Dan’s seen it before and he's excitedly telling Arin all of the things he loves about this movie. Arin, though, is focusing on his body, the pain that's beginning to move through him in low waves. It isn't so much pain, really, as it is discomfort, but not a completely unenjoyable one. It's a reminder that he was fucked, a dull ache in him that allows him to recall the feeling of being stretched open by Ross.

Arin remembers the hot desperation of his body, how he felt so out of control, how much he likes it. He especially likes how all his processes boil down to fixating on the feeling of being fucked and the anticipation of coming. He wants to roll up his sweatpants and look at his knees, see if the pink of the carpet burn is still lingering on his skin.

He glances at Dan, the way his long, tanned arm is tucked behind his head, the other resting on his chest, the remote clasped loosely in his hand. He can just make out Dan's profile, the edge of his nose and his lips open in a wide smile. Arin's familiar with him, as familiar with Dan as he is with the ache seeping through him, though this one is beginning to feel different. A sick sense of something that feels like longing sneaks in, threading the dull ache that Arin usually enjoys.

For the second time that day, Arin feels hot and maybe a little sick. Dan doesn't notice. He's stretched out, all long and lean, on Arin's couch and he doesn't know that Arin is sitting here aching for too many damn reasons. Finally, Arin clears his throat, which makes Dan finally look at him, his dark gaze sweeping over Arin's face.

"Actually, man, I'm feeling kinda drained. Is it cool if I go nap?"

Dan sits himself up on the couch, the same kind of worry that flashed in Suzy's eyes mirrored in Dan's. "Yeah, man, its fine!"

Arin tries to walk as normally as possible to his bedroom because he can feel Dan's eyes on him; he can feel his searching gaze. He's being stupid. This is stupid. Why is he so worked up today? It’s just the quick succession. That has to be it. He went from being fucked and accidentally thinking about Dan while he came to actually seeing his real best friend Dan and things were weird because there wasn't enough time between the two events. That's it. It'll all be set straight by the time Arin wakes up.

He lays down in the bed carefully. Now that he's alone, he can let himself process everything. He lets himself ache, throb; he's hot and embarrassed and feels stupid for worrying Dan and Suzy. Mostly, he's embarrassed because he just got fucked, just got his fix, but already wants it again. He's already ready for more.

While pretending to nap, Arin really does fall asleep. When he wakes up a few hours later, Dan has already gone home.

\--

"You're sweating already and all I've done is touch your dick," Barry says as he pets at Arin's thighs.

Arin flicks the hair out of his face and frowns down at Barry. "Well, it's, like, hot as balls in here."

Barry is spread out under Arin, stretched out long and solid on his back in his bed, Arin settled on top of him, straddling his hips. Barry runs his hands up Arin's thighs and cups his hips. "The air conditioner is in the living room. I can't exactly leave the door open," Barry says, calm, casual, like this conversation could be happening anywhere at any time and not with them both naked and hard.

Arin looks back at the door in question, triple-checking that, yes, they remembered to close it. Normally, Arin tries not to hook up with Barry at his place, the same place that he shares with Dan, but, today, Suzy's filming stuff at the house and Dan has Ninja Sex Party business to attend to, so there was really no other place for them to go.

Barry's hands wander further, tracing up Arin's sides, deft, careful fingers tracing his skin lightly, gently, making Arin shiver. He can feel Barry's dick, hard and persistent rubbing against his ass. Arin bites his lip.

"Do you still keep the lube under your pillow?" Arin asks.

Barry nods and removes a hand from Arin's skin, digging around under the pile of pillows at the head of the bed until he produces the clear bottle of lube.

"Do you want me to or...?" Barry asks, always considerate, always checking in.

"I will," Arin offers, not because Barry is bad at prepping him, but because he's almost too good at it, similar to Ross in that he takes forever to actually get to putting his dick inside of Arin, but, where Ross does it to tease, Barry does it because he wants to be extra cautious.

Barry passes off the lube and Arin scoots back off of Barry so that he's kneeling on the bed. He pops the cap on the lube and slicks up his fingers. Barry props himself up on his elbows so that he can watch. There's a dark heat to his eyes that Arin still isn't quite used to seeing, but it makes his skin tingle.

Arin positions himself so that he has easy access to his ass. He rubs his wet fingers against his hole, gasping a little. It's been two days since he was fucked by Ross. He's not sore anymore and it's an easy slide for him to get one finger in. Arin gives himself a moment to adjust before he adds the second, beginning to stretch himself open.

"Fuck," Barry says, his voice deeper than usual. Arin closes his eyes as he presses his fingers in deeper. He starts to scissor his fingers inside of himself, stretching muscle. He can feel the bed dip with Barry's movements and he's not surprised to find a hand on his hip again, steadying. He feels the warm curl of Barry's damp fingers around the base of his cock and the hot, wet heat of Barry's tongue against the head of his dick.

"Shit," Arin groans. He opens his eyes to see Barry kneeling on the bed in front of him. Arin watches Barry's pink tongue flick against his cock. "B," Arin says as he reaches out to steady himself with a hand on Barry's shoulder, the skin smooth and warm under his palm.

"Fuck," Arin says. He's caught now between wanting to rock back against his fingers or let his hips roll forward, guiding more of his cock into Barry's mouth. He settles on fucking himself with his fingers, not wanting to overwhelm Barry. He's new to this, but, like almost everything that Barry attempts, he's fucking good at it right away. Suzy helped, though. Some of the hottest shit Arin's ever witnessed was the handful of times that Suzy helped Barry learn to suck dick, how she'd be hovering over him, and her hand in his hair, guiding his mouth along the smooth, rubber strap-on that she was wearing.

Arin's fully hard now, already leaking, his fingers sliding deftly in and out of his asshole. He could come this way, letting Barry blow him and fucking himself on his fingers, but it wouldn't be enough. Arin pushes his fingers through Barry's hair. "I think I'm ready," he says with a pant. Barry obliges and pulls off of Arin's dick, his mouth red and his lips swollen already. Arin groans at the sight. "I'm definitely ready."

Barry laughs and settles back on the bed. He's digging around under the pillows again, this time looking for the row of condoms he keeps stashed there. As Barry slides on a condom and slicks himself up, Arin removes his fingers, disappointed at the feeling of being empty but on fire inside, heated with anticipation. When Barry's ready for him, Arin crawls up his body, settling himself above Barry's lap.

Arin reaches down and gets a hand on Barry, stroking him once and earning a pleasant hiss from the other man. He curls a hand around the base of Barry's cock, holding him steady so that he can ease himself down onto Barry's dick.

Barry's a little bigger than Ross, a little wider, and he probably could have stretched himself a little more, but he sort of likes the stretch, likes the feeling of his body working to take Barry inside. Arin eases himself down slowly onto Barry's cock, groaning, then he's flush against Barry, the other man completely inside, and Arin is so, so, full. He rests on top of Barry for a moment, allowing himself time to accommodate. Barry's hands are wandering again, one sweeping up and down Arin's back, the other rubbing small circles against his hip bone.

Arin adjusts and begins to rise off of Barry, tightening around him so that he can feel Barry's dick dragging against his tight hole. Arin pulls off almost all the way before he sinks back down again, a little faster than before. Barry's hips twitch up against him, pressing his dick in that much deeper. Arin rests his hand on Barry's chest, the soft black hair there tickling his palm. He licks at his dry lips.

"You can move," Arin tells Barry. "You can fuck me now."

They set a good pace. There's a natural rhythm that flows between them. Barry never goes too fast or too deep, but Arin can make up for that on his own. That's why he likes riding Barry. Well, that and the fact that he can't do it with anyone else. Ross is too small and the same goes for Suzy. Barry is solid; he can support Arin.

Arin rides Barry's lap. He tries to start slow, to work up to it, but it always feels so good. His cock bobs hard and red between his legs, but Barry doesn't touch him, not yet. Arin shifts against Barry, rising and falling and taking every thrust upward that Barry offers him. The room is so hot, stifling in the California heat and the lack of air conditioning. The two of them are hot, sweating. Barry's face is red, but he watches Arin, eyes full blown and dark, his pink tongue flicking out against his lips.

Barry is quieter than Ross during sex. He groans and grunts, but it's not nearly as pornographic as Ross. He's also not a fucking chatterbox during sex. Arin is almost guaranteed half of the amount of dirty talk from Barry. Right now, he's panting, making these hot little noises and bitten back 'fuck's and ' _Arin_ 's. Besides heat, the room is also filled with the sounds of their bodies meeting, of skin against skin and the sweet, slick glide of Barry's cock inside of Arin.

"God, fuck, Barry," Arin moans. Barry's got himself propped on his elbows again, leaning up a little, changing the angle for Arin. It's deeper now. Arin drops his head back, his hair sticking against the back of his neck. He's at that point where slow isn't really an option. He shifts his hips, riding Barry fast, dropping quick and a little hard onto Barry's cock. He squeezes around Barry's dick again, making the younger man groan as he lies back on the bed, his head arching back against the pillows.

"So good," Barry says. "Fuck, Arin."

He's got his hands on Arin's hips, cupping the soft, supple skin. The better it feels, the more Barry loosens up. His hands help guide Arin's hips, tugging him forward or back up or keeping him down just a second longer. Arin's dick twitches. He fucking loves when Barry takes back a little control, loves that small hint of domination. Finally, he reaches a hand to touch his dick.

He moans as he touches himself, fucking up his rhythm, but Barry keeps them going. Arin fists his dick, quick, a little rough, a fire burning low in his belly. Barry must be getting close, too, his thrusts sloppy, fast now, but still careful. He's always careful not to go too far even though he knows that Arin could take it. Barry snaps his hips up sharp once and hits that special spot inside of Arin, making him groan loud and happily surprised, his hand leaving his dick and bracing against Barry's chest again.

"Fuck, again, _please_ ," Arin says.

Barry obliges, his hips snapping up again, just on the edge of rough, and his hand finds Arin's dick, stroking, rubbing his thumb just under the head of Arin's cock.

"I'm not gonna last like this," Arin says. It's always a disappointment when he comes so soon, but, in the middle of it, it's just too good to hold out.

"Fuck, me, either," Barry grunts, snapping his hips again, fucking Arin deep and fast while his hand jerks Arin off.

Arin is able to move again, shifting back into Barry's thrusts and forward into his eager hand. His head starts to swim, his entire body hot with that feeling of perfect fullness, of having someone know where to touch you to get you off. Arin is close. He grinds against Barry, panting and swearing.

He can feel his orgasm building up. His body tight with it, ready for release. Barry, too, is breathing fast, his chest heaving as he fucks Arin so good.

It's in that moment when he's too close to back down, way too far, that it would be impossible to stop now - _that's_ the moment that distantly he hears the front door bang closed. There are only two people he knows that have a key to Barry's front door and one of them currently has their dick buried inside of Arin. That only leaves one other person. The worst possible person to come home right now.

Barry's eyes go wide and his hips falter but don't stop because he's right there, too. Thank God Barry has more brains than Arin does, because his hand flies to Arin's mouth, pressing light but firm enough to drown out the noises Arin had been making. Barry bites his own lip and his eyes are huge, full of worry.

"Is this okay?" he whispers to Arin, his voice tight, low, and hot as fuck.

None of this is okay, not right now, but Arin realizes that he must mean the hand that he placed over Arin's mouth. Arin nods. Barry is still touching him, fucking him, and that's okay, too, because, holy, shit he doesn’t want to _stop_ , but Dan's home...Dan "Horrible Timing" Avidan is only a few feet away and has no fucking clue that Arin and Barry are fucking.

Barry twists his hand over Arin's dick and fucks him as sharp as he had before. Arin bites at his lip even with Barry's hand over his mouth, not willing to let loose the moan that moves through him. His body is humming and tight and it only takes three more thrusts for him to be shaking apart, shooting come over Barry's hand and on his chest, holding back the sound that he so desperately wants to let out. Distantly, a faraway part of his mind thinks that he can hear Dan moving around out in the living room, the shuffle of his footsteps. He wasn't supposed to be home until late tonight. With any luck, he'll stay the fuck away from Barry's bedroom door.

Barry comes half of a second after Arin, holding in his own noises as his cock jerks and twitches inside of Arin.

Arin's heart is racing, terrified. What would Dan say if he caught them? What would he do? Arin collapses on top of Barry, panting against his neck, smearing his own come, hot and slick, between their stomachs.

Barry touches Arin's back, still inside of him. His mouth is close to Arin's ear.

"I'm sorry. He isn't supposed to be home," Barry whispers against Arin's ear.

"It's okay," Arin tries, his voice quiet but hoarse.

Arin can feel Barry softening inside of him and, again, the little warm glow that Arin likes to bask in post-fucking has evaporated thanks to Danny.

"Barry?" Arin hears Dan call from the living room. His voice sends a thrill up Arin's spine. Fuck, he's going to come in here, he's going to catch them, and, then, after that, Arin isn't sure what will happen. "You home?"

Arin can hear Dan's footsteps draw closer and, still, he lies there on top of Barry, the other man’s dick inside of him, like a part of him is challenging Dan to actually open the door, like a piece of him really does want Dan to see them.

Dan's footsteps grow closer and Arin's heart is beating a mile a minute, but, right when Arin thinks would be the time for Dan to come bursting in, he hears an "Oh? _Oh_ , shit. Shit, the fucking...the tie with the pizzas on it...Oh. Fuck. Sorry! Sorry, Barry!" Dan fumbles over his words; it sounds like he practically sprints from the door. It's only one or two breaths before a second door closes. It sounds close enough to be the front door, but Arin doesn't breathe again until he hears a car door close from outside.

It's only then that Arin rolls off of Barry. Their skin is too hot and the mood is all but completely fucking shot.

"Jesus," Arin says.

"Yeah, that was too close for comfort," Barry says, rubbing at his face.

"What the fuck was he saying? A pizza tie?" Arin asks, remembering Dan's sudden fumbling.

"Yeah, there's a stupid tie my brother got me and we use it to, you know, signify when one of us has _company_ ,” Barry says.

"Oh,” Arin says.

"So the only thing Dan knows is that I had sex today. He just doesn't know it was with you."

"Good thing I let Suzy use my car and you drove us here. Otherwise, I don't know how we would've explained that one."

Barry laughs now, relieved and sated. Arin wants to feel sated, but he feels...weird. There's a sour little something rising up in his stomach at the thought of Dan being so close to finding out and the fact that Dan's used the pizza tie system along with Barry. Arin frowns at the ceiling. Fuck Dan and the second fucking hook-up he's ruined for Arin.

\--

"Babe, maybe you need to talk to him?" Suzy says. Her fingers drift lazily through Arin's hair. Her voice is soft but concerned. She knows him too well, she always has, and she can tell that Arin's been off these last few days.

Arin mumbles an excuse into the pillow where he's lying face down on their bed. Suzy's hand is gentle on the back of Arin's head, her fingers sweeping through the ends of his hair to rest on the back of his neck. He can feel her bare knees poking against his hip. He sighs and rolls over, throwing an arm dramatically over his face.

"It's clearly bugging you and it's probably going to keep bugging you until you tell him."

Arin bites his lip, his heart quickening at the thought of telling Dan the truth about what he does with the others in their spare time. Normally, he could tell Dan anything and the other man would accept it, take it in, maybe give him some shit but still be accepting over all. This, though, felt different; this was too much.

"I can't, Suz'."

Suzy scoots closer to Arin, resting a hand on his chest, over his heart. He can smell her perfume and it calms him down. He had come home from Barry's place, sweating and stinking because he had been too afraid to risk taking a shower at Barry’s place in case Dan came back. Back at home, he had showered and crawled into bed with Suzy and told her what had happened with Barry, told her about how Dan had almost caught them.

"Just be honest with him. It would probably be a huge weight off of your shoulders."

That's what scares him the most. If he's truly honest with Dan and tells him everything, tells him what he really wants and what he gets from Barry and Ross...what he's scared of more than anything is how Dan will take the very honest Arin, the Arin right from the core.

"Dan is your best friend," Suzy adds when Arin is being quiet again.

"Dan practically has a panic attack if I put my hand on his leg for more than three seconds," Arin says. "He laughs when I say that I want to fuck guys. If he knew that I really was...he'd probably, like, throw up or something."

Suzy frowns and props herself up on an elbow so that her face is hovering over Arin's.

"I don't think you're giving him enough credit."

Arin slides his arm back over his face. "What if I tell him and he wants no part of this anymore? What if I'm honest and he takes off? I don't want to lose him or mess anything up. Not for something selfish like my goddamn libido."

Suzy settles next to him again, her leg sliding over his and her warm, socked foot brushing over his cold, bare one. "Your needs aren't selfish," Suzy says, "and I don't think Dan would ever leave. Still, it's your decision. No one is going to make you do it."

Arin removes his arm and rolls over so that he's face-to-face with Suzy. He cups her warm cheek and brushes her hair out of her face before he leans in and softly kisses her. He can feel her smile against his mouth and, for the millionth time, is thankful to have found someone who handles him in all aspects of his body and life.

\--

The next day is a Grump recording day. Arin had thought about maybe rescheduling, but Dan's only getting busier these days and he really didn't have a good enough excuse to warrant rescheduling their session. Still, it was just yesterday that Dan almost caught him fucking Barry at their place and now it's just him and Dan in the Grump room with Arin a bundle of tension and Dan as oblivious as fucking ever.

He's loading up the Playstation to record some Bloodborne episodes. He's settled back on the couch, a good amount of distance between himself and Dan. Arin starts searching for his pen to mark down their start time, but Dan interrupts his train of thought with a soft giggle. He glances over at Dan, who's setting his phone down on his knee with another stupid giggle.

"Hey, did I tell you that I almost walked in on Barry getting laid?" Dan says, the amusement clear in his voice.

Arin is far too aware of the recording being on, capturing everything they say, though this probably wouldn't make it into the episode, anyway. Dan is looking at Arin expectantly, like he should be cracking up laughing...and, well, normally he would be if this didn't directly relate to him.

Still, Arin forces a laugh. "What? No!"

Dan laughs again and covers his face with his hand. "Yeah, dude, I was so embarrassed that I could've died. I probably ruined his trip to pound town."

Arin licks at his lips. He could say it now, just mention in passing that he was the one Barry was fucking and _yes_ , Dan did ruin it, thank you very much, but he can't. Instead, he laughs and shakes his head. "Poor Barry."

"Yeah, I don't think he'd be too happy if we kept this in the episode," Dan says, "which means that we absolutely should."

Arin feigns a laugh. Maybe Dan notices, judging from the sidelong glance he feels Dan give him, but Arin ignores it and jumps into the game, focusing on obtaining more stars.

The session goes fairly normal. They make jokes and talk shit and Arin can feel himself relaxing as time goes on, but there's something, just a little bit, that he's holding back that he feels might be noticeable. It's the same feeling as before - he's too raw, too wrapped up in his own head and whether or not he should say anything. He's too busy being crushed by the weight of his own secret.

What if he told Dan? Right now, on the couch, while they were recording? Dan would take it as a joke, of course. He'd play it off and think nothing of it until he looked at Arin and saw how serious Arin was being, and then...Arin isn't sure what would happen. Every desperate part of him wants to believe that Dan would accept it and accept him and be okay with everything, but several more realistic parts of Arin tell him that this wouldn't be the case and that being truthful could cost him his friend, maybe even more than that. It could cost him the show. He almost lost Game Grumps once. He could never risk it again.

Dan leans over and nudges him with a pointy elbow between episodes three and four. "Hey," he says, looking up at Arin with those big, dumb, concerned brown eyes that always win Arin over. Dan is close enough that Arin catches the scent of his aftershave, can feel the heat from his body where a thick white blanket is draped over him because, no matter what temperature it is, Dan always seems to be cold. "Are you okay? Should we take a break?"

Dan sounds concerned, which means Arin isn't doing a very good job of hiding the tension that he's feeling. Arin smiles, though, and shakes his head. "I'm fine, dude. I guess I was just focused on the game? Big surprise coming from me, I know."

Dan nods, but his dark eyes search Arin's face for a moment in a way that feels familiar to the way that Suzy sometimes looks at Arin when she's about to figure him out. Arin has to look away, diverting his attention back to the screen.

Dan returns to his spot on the couch. Arin misses the warmth, the smell of him, but these things aren't his to have, aren't things Dan is willing to give. Even if, by some miracle, he were willing, Arin is far too chickenshit to ever ask for them. It's why he never broached the subject with Dan where he did with Ross and Barry. How could he ever explain to Dan that he needed to be fucked, that his body craved it, that he didn't feel like himself if he didn't get what he needed? It barely makes sense to Arin...how could he find a way to explain it to Dan?

When it all started, he thought that it'd be enough if he got it from Suzy, if she fucked him with the firm, long dildo, but it wasn't enough. Then, there were Barry and Ross, but they weren't enough, either. Now Arin ignores the chill that snakes through him, the fear that it will never be enough for him, because none of the people fucking him are Dan.

Arin tries to ignore the sudden chill in his stomach, the tangled thoughts in his head. He tries to joke with Dan more, fuck around more, act like everything's fine, and maybe it works because Dan doesn't mention anything about Arin needing a break or Arin maybe, possibly, not being himself for the rest of the recording session.

\--

Arin is dicking around on Twitter when Barry finds him early the next morning at the office.

"Hey, Arin," Barry says, offering Arin a frothy, delicious-looking drink from Starbucks. Arin takes the drink with greedy hands and sips down the caffeine with a satisfied sigh. Barry plops down in the extra chair off to the side of Arin's desk, sipping his own drink. Arin's not exactly busy, but Barry hasn't even gone to turn on his computer yet, so Arin's guessing that he has something that he wants to talk about.

"So," Barry says, and Arin braces himself. He was maybe expecting Barry to want to bow out of their arrangement after their close call with Dan. They don't have set rules and this isn't something that Arin would argue with. "Dan thinks that you're mad at him."

Okay, that wasn't what Arin was expecting. His stomach swoops, rolling with the coffee that he just sucked down. "What?"

"When he got home from the Grump session last night, he came and found me. He had this sad look on his face and he's all like, 'I think Arin's mad at me,' and I asked him why and he just kinda shrugged."

Arin frowns. He hates making anyone feel bummed out, but especially Dan, and especially when it’s all Arin's issues making things weird.

"I'm not mad at him," Arin says to no one in particular because Barry already knows this.

"I told him that," Barry says. "He said that things were kinda off at the session. He thought maybe he did something wrong."

Arin pushes a hand through his hair. "Fuck," he mumbles. Here he was, working so hard at keeping things normal, and, still, everything's going to crap on him. Dan's got it all wrong. Arin has the problem, not Dan. Arin's doing everything wrong.

"Well, don't you start beating yourself up, too," Barry says. Arin hears the roll of the chair wheels against the office floor and then Barry's knees bump against his, his hand moving up and down Arin's back soothingly.

"I don't really know what to do, B," Arin says into the palms of his hands.

"Maybe you should tell Dan?" Barry says.

"That's what Suzy said, too."

"I know. She called me last night. But I don't mean just tell him about who you're fucking. I think you should tell him _everything_." Barry stresses the last word, his hand now a still weight against Arin's back.

Arin turns his face in his hands, glancing at Barry through a curtain of hair. "What do you mean?"

Barry removes his hand from Arin's back and sips his drink again. "I mean, you should tell him you want to fuck him."

Arin's mouth flattens, but he can feel his face warming. His stomach flips. "I...don't -” It's something that he can barely admit to himself and, here’s, Barry confirming it like a fact. "That would never work, Barry." Arin's heart is beating fast in his chest, as if talking to Barry about this means Dan already knows, like the whole world knows.

"It might. I never really considered fucking you until you asked me if I wanted to," Barry says, shrugging.

"That's because you and Ross are fucking weirdos. None of what we do is exactly normal."

Barry is so calm about this, so casual, like he's got it all figured out. Arin usually loves that demeanor, but, right now, it's setting him on edge. Can't he see that Arin is out here floundering?

"Even if you don't tell Dan that you want to fuck him, at least tell him about the other stuff. You'll feel better."

Arin bites his lip, unable to quiet the fear that stirs within him. "What if he leaves? What if he fucking leaves us because I tell him? I know he's not homophobic and he loves us, but this situation is _weird_ , and I'm _weird_ , and I didn't tell him. He _might_ leave."

"He's family," Barry says. "We're a family. You don't leave family."

"You don't fuck family, either," Arin groans.

Barry snorts, finishing off his drink and setting it on the edge of Arin's desk. "You got me there."

Distantly, Arin can hear Ross and Kevin talking to each other out in the hall. Barry glances in the direction of their impending voices before his gaze slides back to Arin.

"Just think about what I said, okay? No one wants either of you upset."

Arin nods. "I'll think about it." The words come out choked and strange.

Barry remains neutral and rolls back to his desk just as Ross and Kevin come tumbling into the room, arguing loudly about some bullshit Ross pulled the last time everyone hung out together. Arin smiles at them, trying to hide the conversation he had just been having. Ross and Kevin don't notice anything and Arin is grateful to slip into another work day.

He"s working in Flash when his phone chimes on his desk. Arin picks it up and reads Barry's name on the screen. He glances at Barry's desk, his back to Arin and some clips pulled up on the monitor in front of him. Arin reads the text that Barry had sent him.

_All I'm saying is to really feel better you need the dick of true love._

Arin arches an eyebrow at his screen before tapping out a reply.

_What the hell does that mean?_

Just a few seconds later, there's another text from Barry.

_That maybe you're a little bit in love with Dan._

Arin locks his phone, sets it on his desk, and pointedly ignores Barry for the next three hours of the day.

Ross orders lunch for them from their favorite dumpling place and Kevin is wrangled into going to pick it up. Arin offers to go with him because Ross is being his usual spastic self and Arin is still making an effort to avoid Barry even though he's calmed since their conversation this morning. Best of all, Kevin has no clue what's going on, so Arin can pretend there _is_ nothing going on - at least, nothing worth mentioning.

By the time Arin and Kevin get back with the food, Dan has arrived at the office. Arin had expected it, but he stops short for a second anyway, a bag of dumplings swinging in his hand as Dan and the others look up at them. Dan meets his gaze, his face soft and concerned. Arin smiles, though, big and bright, and holds the bag up.

"You got here in time for dumplings," Arin says.

Dan smiles, but it isn't his real smile, not the one Arin knows by heart. Still, he follows the others to the office kitchen so that they can eat.

Dan drops down in a seat between Arin and Barry. Arin still feels bad that he made Dan feel bad. As Arin eats, he can feel Barry staring at him from the corner of his eye. Dan's fingers drum on the table with a nervous energy and Arin can tell that he's thinking of how to bring up the subject of their recording session last night. He knows it's the kind of thing where, if Dan feels like there's a problem, then he can't rest until he fixes it or is at least aware of what the problem is.

Ross is telling a story that Arin can't follow, but it's distracting Kevin and Barry, so Arin bites the bullet, voice caught in his throat, and reaches out to nudge Dan's arm with his fingertips. Dan's got his usual green jacket on, the material rough against Arin's fingertips. Dan stops drumming his fingers and his dark eyes flick to Arin's face.

"Hey, can I talk to you for a sec?" Arin asks, tilting his head back toward the hallway.

Dan nods, looking more nervous than before, a little sick even. He looks like a goddamn mirror for how Arin feels. The two of them slip from the table. Arin can feel Barry watching them.

Fucking stupid Barry and his stupid texts.

Arin didn't think this through, though, because now he and Dan are standing across from one another in the hallway outside the main area of the office. Dan leans back against the wall, a long, lean line, his lip caught between his teeth. "What's up, Arin?" he asks, his voice a little tight.

"Ah." Arin plays with the hem of his t-shirt. "I just wanted to say that, well, about last night...it was all me, dude. I'm not mad at you. I was just in a weird headspace, I guess?"

"Oh," Dan says, his voice remaining quiet but his face awash with relief. Arin can see him slacken, visibly release the breath he had been holding. "Good. Well, not good that you were feeling weird, but good that I wasn't being an asshole?" Dan laughs. "Am I making sense?"

Arin smiles, Dan's laugh having that effect on him. That's what it was like before things got weird: Dan making Arin feel warm, feel happy, laugh and smile with ease. He wants to punch himself for fucking that up and making it weird. He thinks about Barry's text, his own feelings as of late. He looks at Dan’s dumb, handsome face, his dark eyes and wild mess of hair, his stupid run-down sneakers and jeans with the knees torn apart. Dan is strange, funny, kind, and he's Arin's best friend.

For a moment, Arin has the words, has an explanation. It's just the two of them here in the hallway and it would be easy to say it, even just whisper it. For a second, the words are about to leave his throat. Then it's gone. Arin shuts it down because Dan is his best friend, his co-host, and he can't afford to let any of that change. He'll have to deal with it, learn to live with whatever creeps inside of him, whatever makes him crave a good, hard fucking. He'll just make it work because he can't tell Dan and he can't let things change.

"You're making perfect sense," Arin says.

Dan runs a hand through his mass of hair, only making it messier. "Kinda feels like high school, sorta, doesn't it?" Dan says. He must notice the slight confusion on Arin's face because he laughs and then elaborates, "I mean, like, Barry talking to you and you talking to me. It's very high school. Next thing you know, one of us will be passing notes, like, 'Do you like me? Check yes or no.'"

Arin laughs, a real laugh, already putting his plan into action. Don't be weird, don't make Dan feel weird. Dan laughs, too, and it makes Arin's chest warm. Dan throws an arm around Arin's shoulders, his long fingers squeezing Arin's shoulder. Dan's touch is like fire on Arin's skin, but he repeats his mantra: _normalnormalnormal_.

"We're good, then?" Dan asks as a final confirmation.

"Oh, yeah," Arin says. Dan's hand leaves Arin's shoulder, the heat lingering. "We'll always be good."

The two of them head back into the office kitchen where Ross is still telling his story and Barry watches them return to the table. His eyes drift over to Dan first, scanning him over, and then to Arin. Arin doesn't have to say anything. Barry already knows he didn't say what really needed to be said, but what he said was enough.

\--

Arin is on his knees on his bedroom floor, his hands spread on Suzy's creamy white thighs. Suzy is standing in front of him, one hand gripped loosely in his hair, cupping the back of his head. He glances up at her and his dick twitches painfully. She's gorgeous, looking powerful with her long hair hanging down strikingly dark against her skin. She's naked except for the leather straps of the harness that curve along her hipbones. Suzy presses lightly on the back of Arin's head, guiding him forward, allowing him to take more of the dildo into his mouth.

The dildo is a good size, a little bigger than average, just a little wide. They had researched online for weeks before the two of them found one they both liked. Its dark purple with a thick head and double-edged so that it presses back against Suzy while she fucks him. Right now, Suzy's humming lightly with pleasure. Arin's head bobs along the stiff plastic, her fingers tightening in his hair. His own dick is already hard, twitching with the fact that his movements are causing the dildo to press inside of Suzy.

Arin takes down as much as he can. It isn't much and he's got a shitty gag reflex, but he likes the feeling of the thick, hard dick against his tongue. Arin runs his hands up Suzy's legs, up to her hips, his fingers playing against the straps of the harness.

"You're so pretty like this," Suzy says, petting Arin's head. Her voice is warm and thick, burning through Arin's body. "You look so good when you're sucking dick."

Arin groans, taking more of the dildo into his mouth. The thick head bumps the back of his throat; he feels the deep urge for more flaring up inside of him. He's never sucked a real dick, only Suzy's strap-on. Suzy's asked him about Barry before. She's brought it up a few times when she was on edge, babbling with the need to come, but Arin hasn't gone through with it yet.

Just moments before he got on his knees for Suzy, she had him on his hands and knees on their bed, her fingers slicked up and inside of him, opening him up. Sucking her dick was his reward for letting her finger him slowly and thoroughly. Suzy always goes slow; she's always the most careful with him, even more so than Barry.

Arin's hand curls around her hip. He cups her bare ass where the harness stops. Suzy shivers and Arin groans, pulling off the dildo with a wet noise to look up at her. "I'm ready," he says.

Suzy nods, her eyes full of heat. Arin scrambles to his feet, kissing Suzy soft and tender before he gets in position on the bed. He's on his hands and knees on top of the soft material of their bed, stripped down to the sheets because, last time, they'd ruined a comforter with the lube.

Suzy climbs up behind him, the bed barely dipping with her added weight. Arin feels her touch his hips, run her hands over his ass; without her speaking, Arin spreads his legs a little wider, opening for her. Arin feels the cool press of the dildo's head against his ass. It's always a surprise, how cold it is, how much firmer it is than the soft skin of Barry and Ross.

"You all ready to open up for me, baby?" Suzy says, her voice playful.

Arin drops his head and groans. "Fuck. Yes, I'm so ready."

He can feel the head of the dildo rubbing slick and wet around his hole, teasing at the entrance but never pushing inside. Arin whines low in his throat.

"Tell me what you're ready for," Suzy says. She nudges her dick against the back of Arin's balls before she returns to teasing his hole.

Arin obliges immediately. "I'm ready for your dick. I'm ready for you to fuck me."

Suzy groans. "I'm gonna fuck you so good, babe."

She doesn't make him wait any longer - which is good because Arin isn’t sure he could wait much longer. Suzy lines herself up and then presses in slowly, slow enough that Arin can feel the stretch of his body around the dildo. He shivers as the head finally penetrates him. Arin moans when Suzy bottoms out, sliding inside of him all the way.

The warm leather of the harness presses against Arin's ass. Suzy is still, giving him a few moments to adjust to the feeling. Arin tightens around the dildo. He's completely full and it's amazing. This whole thing, this intense, wild, need of his, it all started with Suzy. He had been nervous at first to express an interest in her fucking him. He'd been afraid it might freak her out. Suzy, though, was fearless and her eyes had lit at the idea. Before Suzy actually fucked his ass for the first time, he'd only thought about it, about how much he wanted it. Regular sex was awesome, but even though he has no problem fucking Suzy, sex never felt complete until he began getting his ass fucked.

Suzy pulls out almost all the way, enough that Arin gives a small, panicked gasp, but she clutches his hips with strong, slender fingers and pushes in hard, all at once. Arin moans, his dick already so hard, bobbing between his legs. Suzy sets up a good pace. Her hips snap against Arin's ass, fucking him deep and steady. Arin's fingers dig into the sheets, his body rocking with her thrusts.

"How's it feel?" Suzy asks, her voice a little breathless because, every time she fucks into him, the blunt edge of the dildo slides into her.

"So fucking good," Arin answers. Suzy squeezes his hips in appreciation of his answer. "I can't ever get enough of you fucking me, Suze. I'm so fucking full like this. You're so big. Fuck."

"Arin," Suzy groans. He feels the sudden warmth of her body curling over the top of his. He feels her heavy breasts warm on his back and the wet press of her mouth peppering kisses against his skin. Her pace changes now. She fucks him in these short little thrusts, whining as her hips meet his ass.

One of her hands slides up into his hair. She gets a handful and tugs lightly on the ends, getting Arin to raise his head and shift his body back against her. It changes the angle so that, the next time she thrusts into him, she's that much deeper, the thick head of the dildo nudging his prostate. Arin moans in surprise and delight.

"Oh, my God," he groans. Suzy gives him another thrust, a little harder. He wants to drop his head, but her hand is still locked in his hair, keeping him in this position. Arin shivers, his dick twitching. He fucking loves when Suzy starts to dominate him, when she takes over the control. Suzy's hips work slowly but hard against him, hitting that special spot that makes Arin fucking shake with how good he feels. She hits that spot again and again and Arin can do nothing but make these loud moaning sounds.

Finally, she releases his hair and Arin's head drops between his shoulders. He bends on one elbow, getting a hand on his dick. With his body half-crouched so that he can jerk himself off, his ass is pressed back, open even more for Suzy. Arin can hear her beautiful, breathy moans, how, now, when she fucks into him, she lingers for a moment, grinding against his ass. Suzy's nails bite into the skin of his hips; he figures that she must be getting close.

Arin's dick is leaking against his fingers. Normally, he would try to tease himself a little, jerk his cock slow, the way Suzy had begun to fuck him, but everything feels so good right now. His body and mind are swimming, his skin hot. Arin's burning from the inside out, that ravenous heat that engulfs his senses, every nerve in him on point.

Suzy's hands sweep up Arin's sides. "Arin, are you close? Fuck. I - I need..." Her voice is low with arousal, her thrusts gone sloppy but fast and deep. She must be getting close. Arin bites his lip and jerks himself off faster.

"Fuck, yes, I'm almost - you're gonna make me come."

It's only three erratic thrusts from Suzy before Arin is overtaken by the heat burning through him and he comes, his vision whiting out as he comes sticky over his fingers and the bedsheet. Arin's knees slide on the sheets, his body both tight and lazy with finishing. Suzy is inside of him, her movements stopped, but she's grinding in little circles, enough to lightly fuck Arin and also rub the edge of the dildo against her clit. Sometimes fucking him is enough to get her off and sometimes she needs a little help from him.

"You can pull out, Suzy. I'll finish you," Arin says. Before the words even finish leaving his mouth, Suzy is already slipping from him. Arin gasps, his overstimulated body shivering. He loves that the dildo never goes soft, that, even when Suzy pulls it from him, it still feels as thick and hard as when she began to fuck him.

Arin tightens around the head of the dildo before Suzy fully leaves him, but then he's turning around so that he's facing her. Suzy's pale skin is flushed, her red bottom lip between her teeth, her eyes so fucking hot that Arin could die right now under her gaze. She's working at removing the harness, her quick, nimble fingers adjusting the straps until she can wiggle out.

She moves to Arin and he takes her hand, getting her on her back on the bed. Suzy is so fucking wet and Arin can smell her arousal before he even touches her. She opens her legs for him, spreading herself like he had done for her moments before. Arin teases a finger down her dripping slit and earns a sweet hiss from her. He is no good at teasing, so, without much preamble, Arin slides two fingers into Suzy's pussy.

Suzy gasps, arching her hips up and pressing down against Arin's fingers. He uses his thumb to glide across her clit. Suzy moans deep and low. Arin spares a glance up at her - she's running her fingers over her light pink nipples, teasing herself, biting at her lip, her gorgeous face screwed up in concentration.

Arin fingers her on the edge of quick. By now, he knows her body as well as he knows his own.

"Shit, _shit_ ," Suzy groans, her hips jerking. She tightens around Arin's fingers as she comes. He watches her, fingering her through her orgasm. Suzy arches as she comes, her hips twitching as her orgasm rocks through her. Arin removes his fingers as she settles back down on the bed, flush and breathless. After a moment of bliss, she looks up at him and smiles, beckoning him to her with her fingers.

Arin obliges and crawls up the bed to meet her, kissing her deeply as he falls into place next to Suzy.

"That was amazing, babe," Arin says. He pulls Suzy closer, kissing her sweaty temple. Suzy smiles and kisses him, her lips soft and sweet.

Arin feels better than he has all week. He feels normal, like maybe there's nothing to worry about after all. He wants to chalk it up to post-fucked high where he always feels sated and better and doesn't have to worry about when he'll feel all worked up again and who he'll go to next time to get laid.

\--

Two weeks go by where life gets a little busier. They all have more things going on and Arin doesn't have the energy or time to hook up with anyone but Suzy. It's good, though. When he's focused on work, he has less time to think about what he needs. Everything feels normal again, which is also good. Arin's had the same old Grump sessions with Dan, their previous conversation having done wonders to patch the small rift that Arin had allowed to form.

Today, Arin is recording with Ross. It's just the two of them in the office - at least, Arin thinks that Kevin's already taken off for the day. He can't be too sure; he hasn't left his extremely comfortable position on the Grump couch in at least an hour and a half.

"Fuck," Ross swears as his on-screen character plummets to his death. He tosses the controller down on the couch and looks over at Arin. "I suck at this."

"Yeah, you do," Arin agrees with a laugh. He reaches for his pen and jots down their ending time as, now, Ross has lost all their lives and **GAME OVER** is flashing across the screen. Ross is smiling at him. He edges himself closer to Arin until his shoulder is bumping against Arin's. Ross's body is hot and he can feel the warmth radiating from him already.

"You know what else I suck, though?" Ross asks, waggling his eyebrows at Arin.

Arin snorts and moves to turn off the recording, sparing Kevin from having to listen to their bullshit. Really, though, he's more concerned with where Ross is going with this.

"No, what?" Arin feigns ignorance as he settles back on the couch.

Ross is somehow even closer, his chin digging into Arin's shoulder. He's close enough that Arin can feel his breath on the side of his face, the warm air rustling the hair around Arin's ears. Arin turns his head to look at Ross and then the other man is leaning in. Arin turns his head again so that Ross's lips meet Arin's cheek instead of his mouth. Ross pulls back a little, clicking his tongue at Arin.

"Its dick," Ross say flatly. "I suck dick."

"Well, I could have told you that," Arin says, rolling his eyes. He couldn't have, though. As far as he knows, Ross has never sucked dick. He's never sucked Arin's dick, at least. He can't speak for the rest of the population.

Ross's hands slide up Arin's thighs, his nimble fingers going to the waistband of Arin's sweatpants. "Can I blow you?" he asks, his eyes warm and his lip between his teeth.

Arin's dick twitches at the question, but his chest kind of freezes. Ross has never sucked his dick. No one except for Suzy ever has. It shouldn't be weird, considering the fact that Ross and Barry are fucking Arin's ass on the regular, but, somehow, the thought makes Arin's heart race a little faster. Maybe it's because getting his dick sucked isn't what he craves. The whole reason he started coming to Ross and Barry for sex was because he needed a cock in his ass, not because he needed his dick sucked.

Ross cups Arin's cock through his sweats, rubbing his palm lightly against Arin's soft dick.

"I'd really like to," Ross adds, in case Arin somehow wasn't taking him seriously.

Arin looks at Ross and glances around the room, at the closed door. He's still pretty sure that they're alone in the office, but...

"I don't know, Ross," Arin says. "I've never done anything in the recording space."

"That's what makes it exciting!" Ross says. He's close again, his mouth skirting Arin's ear. He kisses Arin's cheek again. Arin must look unconvinced because Ross slides his hand inside of Arin's pants, now touching his cock. Arin hisses, but he doesn't ask Ross to stop.

"What if I blow you a little in here? You know, just warm you up a bit? And then we go to the bathroom and I fuck you there? How about I fuck you right against the bathroom stall?" Ross's voice is thick and low, really fucking hot with how obviously turned on he is. As he talks, his hand still strokes Arin, slowly working him up to half-hard.

"Fuck," Arin says. He can feel his face going flush. Now, with the downtime after their sudden rush in meetings and recording content, the urge has been coming back. Suzy fucked his ass a couple of times, but it's different when it's a flesh and blood dick.

"Plus, we haven't fucked in ages. I miss you, man," Ross says. His mouth nips at Arin's neck. He’s always more affectionate than Barry when Arin hooks up with him. Barry touches him, but he's never tried to kiss Arin.

Ross's hand feels too fucking good and Arin lets his head fall back against the couch.

"Okay, fuck, alright," Arin gives in.

Ross smiles like he's won some kind of contest. He slides to his knees on the floor, knocking Arin's legs apart so that he can fit himself between them. Arin lifts his hips and lets Ross help him get his pants down around his knees. He was feeling especially lazy today and had decided to forgo underwear, a decision that he's alright with now.

Ross spits on his palm before he wraps his fingers around Arin's hard dick and starts stroking him. Arin moans softly, afraid to be too loud in case Kevin hasn't left yet. Ross is always eager when they hook up. He likes gaining those noises from Arin, making him lose control and relishing in how fast he can make Arin come. Ross rubs his thumb just under the head of Arin's dick, making sparks shoot up Arin's spine.

His hand only works over Arin for a moment, until Arin is fully hard and just beginning to leak pre-cum. Ross straightens up and then leans down so that his tongue meets the head of Arin's dick. Arin groans louder this time as Ross's tongue flicks against the slit of his dick, collecting the pre-cum leaking there. Ross's hand curls around the base of Arin's dick, the other one splayed open, warm on Arin's bare thigh. He flattens his tongue, running it around the thick head of Arin's dick, licking him in flat, broad strokes.

It seems that even Ross can't tease him for long when it comes to sucking his dick because, before Arin knows it, Ross is lowering his mouth onto Arin's cock. He must've sucked cock before or practiced because he takes Arin down with confidence, enveloping Arin's dick in wet, slick heat.

"Fuck," Arin groans, his stomach flipping pleasantly. His reservations about letting Ross suck his dick melt away because Ross is actually pretty good at it. He bobs his head fast, taking a good amount of Arin's cock into his mouth. Arin's fingers dig into the couch cushions next to him, nails scraping against the fabric.

The room is filled with wet, filthy noises, Ross sucking, moaning around Arin's dick. Arin himself is breathing fast, his chest heaving. His eyes are closed and he's focused on the warm, delicious heat of Ross's mouth. Suddenly, he feels Ross taking more of him down; he feels the head of his dick bump the back of Ross's throat. He's about to call out and say 'no, hey, don't do that unless you're sure,' but then he feels his cock being taking all the way down, a beautiful, tight, constricting heat. Arin is pretty sure he's babbling nonsense, definitely not thinking straight. It feels so amazing. His hips roll up just a little, fucking the mouth on him.

Arin’s unraveling fast, mind lost to anything but the wonderful feeling of his cock getting sucked. He reaches out a blind hand and his fingers find soft tendrils of hair. He lets his fingers sink into the soft hair, tugging just a little. His stomach is hot and he's dangerously close. He doesn't usually like to come until he's being fucked.

"I'm gonna come if you don't...fuck -”

But the mouth is only more insistent on his dick, more eager to swallow Arin down. He's gonna fucking lose it any minute now.

"Ah, shit, this is so good. Fuck. Fuck. _Dan_ , don't stop."

There's a beat of pleasure, and another, and then the beautiful, eager mouth is gone from his dick, and Arin groans in surprise and disappointment. His eyes fly open to see if everything is okay because his cock is fully hard, leaking, slick, shiny, and he's so fucking desperate to come.

What he sees before him is Ross frowning up at him with red, swollen lips, a shiny mouth, and surprised, hurt eyes.

"What? What's the matter?" Arin says, his tongue moving sluggishly in his mouth.

Ross scoffs. "You don't know?" He sounds pissed, but Arin's brain is still trying to play catch-up. His dick throbs in his lap. He doesn't understand why Ross stopped.

"No...Are you okay?" Maybe he took too much or Arin was being an asshole or something.

Ross's face is a deep red. He looks down at his lap before his angry eyes flick up to Arin's face.

"You fucking said Dan's name. You called me Dan while I'm sucking your fucking dick!"

The blood rushes out of Arin's face and his mouth drops slack a little. "What? No, I didn't."

"Fuck you! You totally did! Just now, you said Dan's name instead of mine!"

Arin gapes at Ross like an idiot. Did he? Did he really say Dan's name and not realize it?

"Ross...I'm...fuck. I'm sorry, dude. I didn't realize I even...I don't even know what I was saying."

Ross is standing up then, his thin arms folded in front of him and his mouth still shiny and red from sucking Arin's cock moments before. Arin sits on the couch, his dick still embarrassingly hard, still begging for attention.

"Fuck...we...we probably shouldn't do this again," Ross says, his voice a mixture of hurt and sadness. "At least not for a long goddamn while."

"Ross -” Arin starts, but Ross interrupts him.

"No, because I'm sucking your dick and all you can think about is Dan! It's like all you ever think about or some shit. It's like you're - “Ross stops himself, his voice steadily rising as he yells at Arin. He forces the words away, like he can't bring himself to say them. He stands there for a moment, looking small and sad, before he shakes his head, his sandy-colored hair slipping into his angry blue eyes. "You know what, fuck it. I'm leaving."

Ross whirls around and strides out the door, his anger clear in his movements.

Arin's brain thankfully starts functioning again and he has the sense of mind to tuck himself back into his sweatpants before he pushes up off the couch to follow after Ross. The other man is pissed, though, and he's moving fast. By the time Arin gets to the main room of the office, Ross is already slipping out the door. Arin lets him go. It won't do any good to chase after him. He stands there, alone in the office, for a long moment, willing his hard dick to settle down.

He can't remember if he actually said Dan's name. Had it felt like such a natural reflex that his mind let it slip without any recollection from Arin? What worries him even more than actually upsetting Ross - which worries him a lot - is why he said Dan's name at all? Why, when he was so close to coming, did Dan's name spring from him? It only serves to dredge up those feelings that Arin had been happy to tuck away, to hide behind all of his work, the problems that he'd thought had left him having not gone at all. He'd just managed to make things worse somehow.

Arin pads back into the Grump room with a sigh, shutting down the recording equipment and turning off the game that was still flashing the **GAME OVER** screen.

\--

It isn't until the next day that Arin tries to make things right with Ross. Last night, he'd gone home and explained what had happened to Suzy. She'd been understanding but still called Arin an asshole for mixing up the names. He'd told her about what happened because he knew that she'd be able to talk to Holly about what had happened, maybe convince her to talk to Ross on Arin's behalf. He's thankful that Dan's busy this week, working on Ninja Sex Party stuff with Brian while he’s in L.A. for the week; otherwise, he might be over at their house and Arin would just remember what Ross had said, how he'd accused Arin of only ever thinking about Dan.

It wasn't true, couldn't be true. He loved all his friends and thought about them all a lot. They all see each other almost every day; it was only natural. Even as Arin recites his excuses to himself, he knows that they don't feel like the perfect truth. If he's deeply and perfectly honest with himself, he thinks about Dan a lot more than he'd ever admit. Still, Dan is his best friend, his loyal co-host. He and Dan have movie marathons, and Suzy makes dinners that Dan likes when Barry goes out of town so that Dan will be able to eat properly, and Arin can text Dan any ridiculous, dumb idea that he thinks of and still get a reply.

Arin shakes his head, ignoring the words cycling around from yesterday. It's late afternoon and Arin is still wearing pajamas and dicking around on his laptop when his phone starts ringing. It's Ross's name that flickers across the screen. Arin swallows thickly but takes the opportunity to clear things up with Ross if he can.

"Hey, man," Arin says.

"Hey." Ross doesn't sound thrilled to be speaking to him, but he called, so that's an improvement already. "So...Holly said that Suzy said that you wanted to talk."

"Yeah," Arin says. He thinks back to Dan's comment about how their conflict had felt like high school, passing notes and spreading gossip. Somehow, Arin had believed this would all be a lot simpler than it's turning out. "I wanted to apologize, man. What happened, it wasn't cool. It was a dick move, for sure."

There's silence on the line and, for a moment, Arin thinks Ross might have hung up, but then he lets out a quiet sigh. "It's okay. Hey, do you wanna, like, meet up somewhere for lunch? Maybe talk about this face-to-face?"

Arin is quick to agree to meet up with Ross and they pick this barbeque place that Kevin had once told them about. Arin hangs up with Ross and goes to change his clothes. He's still nervous on the drive to the restaurant. When they started this arrangement, Arin had talked about how it would be easy, how it would be about just sex, just hooking up, how they would all just keep it casual, but, lately, it's turning out to anything but easy.

Arin arrives at the restaurant first and, as he waits for Ross, he starts to grow a little nervous that the other man will have changed his mind and won't show up. Arin runs his fingers through his hair and sucks down the glass of water that the waiter had brought him. Finally, he catches a glimpse of Ross searching the crowded tables for Arin. Before Arin can signal for him, Ross catches sight of their table and hurries over to sit down.

"Hey, did you order already?"

"No, I was waiting for you."

Ross nods as he sits down across from Arin, their waiter returning to take Ross's drink order.

"Hey, so, I meant what I said on the phone. I really am sorry," Arin says.

Ross looks up at him from his plastic menu and nods. "I know you are. I know that you didn't mean to say his name. I'm sorry, too, for what I said. I didn't mean to throw all that shit at you."

"No, it's okay. I deserve what you said."

Ross runs a hand through his hair, frowning down at the dark brown wooden table. "I'm not gonna beat around the bush," Ross says, and normally Arin would crack a perfectly stupid joke, but he knows it wouldn't go over well. "I meant what I said yesterday about us not fucking for a while. I don't think it's a good idea."

Arin feels sick, a little disappointed. He always told his friends that they could stop at any time because he knows that it's strange, this weird little cycle that he's pulled them into. Still, there's a small fear in him at the thought of losing his hook-ups with Ross.

Ross looks up at Arin for confirmation that he actually heard what Ross just said. Ross's eyes are large and worried and Arin hates himself for fucking things up so bad.

"That's fine, Ross, whatever you want," Arin says. "I know this whole thing is really fucking weird and it started as a favor for me, anyway. I appreciate it, man."

Ross shakes his head, pressing his palm against his mouth, mumbling words that Arin can't quite make out. There's a small silence that spreads out, long and uncomfortable, like a chill around them. Arin's fingers fidget around the cool metal of his fork, but he keeps his mouth closed, waiting for Ross to keep talking.

"It's just...clearly, you're stuck on Dan, even if you don’t want to admit it, so I don't think fucking anyone else will ever be enough. Barry will never be enough..." Ross trails off for a moment, his eyes taking on a faraway look. Arin feels like fucking shit. “ _I_ will never be enough. You'll never be satisfied because we're not Dan."

"Ross," Arin starts, but he isn't sure what to say. "I don't want to fuck Dan." The words sink like a stone in his stomach.

"Oh, come on," Ross says, a thread of annoyance lacing the current of his voice. "That's the biggest load of bullshit that I've ever heard."

Now it's Arin’s turn to frown at the table. "Why's it so hard to believe?"

"Alright, maybe you don't want to fuck him - which you clearly _do_ \- but, even if you don't want to fuck him, there's still something going on with you and him."

Arin's throat is dry. He sips at his water until the straw clinks against nothing but ice. This is feeling too much like the conversation that he had with Barry over coffee a few weeks ago. The suggested idea that Arin has feelings for Dan, feelings that would easily destroy everything...

"I know that it's scary," Ross starts. He's not looking at Arin - well, not at Arin’s face. "But isn't it better that he knows instead of you just walking around inflicting pain on yourself? Its better that Dan know the truth, no matter what happens afterward."

"Fuck," Arin says, dropping his forehead into his hands. "I know I should tell him, but it scares the shit out of me. It scares me not knowing what he'll think, but I'm tired of hiding it. I'm tired of feeling guilty when I hang out with him because he doesn't know."

Ross nods sagely, like Arin is finally understanding the lesson that he's been trying to teach, and maybe he is, but it doesn't mean that he likes it, and it certainly doesn't mean that Arin will be brave enough to go through with it.

"Best-case scenario is that Dan can give you what you want," Ross says. Arin peeks at him through his fingers, heart speeding up at the mere idea of Dan being okay with what Arin has to tell him. "Worst-case scenario is that he can't."

Arin doesn’t think that that's the worst that could happen. His imagination leaps to several other, much worse results. He doesn't fight Ross on it, though. Everyone seems to be giving Dan more credit than Arin is willing to give him. Maybe he's overthinking everything, maybe it _is_ as easy as he wanted it to be originally.

"I guess I need to talk to Dan," Arin says. Even as he settles on it, holds the idea in his mind tenderly, like a fragile egg, a deep fear spikes low in his stomach, scattering through his blood and infecting him completely.

\--

Arin had spent a week trying to figure out the best way to tell Dan about what’s been going on between him and the others. He quickly decided against telling him before or after a recording session; that would only serve to taint the recordings, alter things in a way Arin might not be able to salvage. He planned, went over what he would say, and closed his eyes, imagining Dan taking it all in and what he would say when he finally spoke.

Arin had planned, but now it's all gone to shit because he's standing in his kitchen on a Saturday morning, making fucking pancakes while Dan leans against the dark countertop nearby.

"Yeah, man, ever since you mentioned those banana pancakes, I've been craving them," Dan says with a laugh. Arin spares a glance at the other man. He's got his jacket on, layers of shirts, and that really ridiculous scarf that Suzy told him was cool so he's super into wearing it lately. He's got his phone in his hand and he's scrolling through something, face turned down, not noticing Arin watching him.

"Glad to be of service," Arin says. He flips a pancake in the pan, his stomach in knots.

It's just Arin and Dan in the house today. Suzy had gone to Holly and Ross's place so that Holly could teach her how to make candles. Before she had left that morning, she'd kissed him on the cheek and wished him good luck, then Arin had gotten out of bed and coaxed Dan into coming over with the promise of breakfast.

Arin slides the pancakes out of the pan and onto a plate. The finished food immediately draws Dan over next to Arin. Dan bumps his hip against Arin's and sniffs at the plate of pancakes. "Oh, man, they smell delicious." Dan is impulsive and hungry and Arin watches him pick at the top pancake, tearing off a small piece, instantly burning his fingertips. "Shit!"

Arin laughs as Dan swears. "You're so dumb, dude. Of course it's too fucking hot to eat yet."

Dan throws Arin an exaggeratedly wounded look that only kind of makes Arin's stomach hurt. He slides his fingers into his mouth to soothe the burn. Arin's mouth goes a little dry. He tries not to stare and he definitely tries not to imagine Dan slicking his fingers up for any other reason.

Arin carries the plate to the table and sets it down, sitting at the table alongside Dan. Now that he's cooked, his mind can only focus on when to spring the conversation on Dan. The other man has just settled at the table next to Arin, using a fork now to load his plate with pancakes. They talk and bullshit like always because Arin is too afraid that this will be the last time they'll ever be like this, the last time they'll ever be this close.

Arin lets Dan eat two and a half pancakes before he thinks of broaching the subject.

"You're not eating," Dan says, motioning to the lone pancake sitting on Arin's plate.

"I'm not really hungry," Arin says. It's not exactly a lie because his stomach is churning, too knotted to even consider eating.

Dan tilts his head, setting down his fork. "You okay?" he asks, a real concern in his voice.

For a second, Arin considers lying, just saying that he's fine, everything's fine, and carrying on with life, the secret still intact, still hidden, but Ross's words drift in the back of his mind. Arin shakes his head, looking at his hands as he twists the edge of the napkin into a tight point.

"No, actually, there's, uh...something I need to tell you."

The air turns stale and serious and Dan turns his whole body in the seat so that he's facing Arin, his face solemn, his eyes flickering nervously. "Okay. Is it about the show? Is everything okay?"

Arin shakes his head. "The show is fine."

"Oh," Dan says. He glances around the room. "Are you and Suzy okay?"

"Yes. It's not about Suzy, it's...uh, fuck, man, I practiced this like a million times and now I can't fucking think of what to say." Arin rests his head in his hands, feeling as sick and nervous as Dan looks.

"Arin," Dan says softly, voice sounding cautious but scared. "Arin, are you trying to fire me?"

Arin whips his head up so fast that he thinks that he might have hurt his neck, but Dan is looking at him with these big, sad eyes, his fingers also twisting apart a napkin in front of him.

"What? No! No, Dan. I'm not...I would never do that. How could you think that?"

"Well, you're acting weird!" Dan says, voice more relaxed now but not by much. "If it's not about you and Suzy or the show, I figured it must have been me."

"No, dude, it's me. This whole fucking thing is my fault."

Arin can't even look at Dan. He's too far to go back now, but, oh, fuck, does he want to. He wants to turn around and run and never tell Dan anything because this is going horribly and it's probably only going to get worse.

Then, suddenly, Dan is closer and his hand is on Arin's bare arm, his fingers cool against Arin's skin. Arin fights back the shiver that wants to leave him. He forces himself to meet Dan's gaze.

"Hey, man," Dan says, his voice soft again. "Whatever it is, you can tell me, dude. You can tell me anything."

"Remember that you said that, okay?" Arin says. He tries to laugh, but it comes out pathetic and small. Dan's face doesn’t change from the soft concern etched over his handsome features. Arin allows himself a moment to search Dan’s face, memorizing last-second details, like it might be the last time he'll ever get to do this. "I...don't even know where to start with it all, but...I've been...shit - " Arin's heart is beating so fast in his chest, quicker than it felt even when he first told Suzy he loved her or the first time he had sex or when he got married. "I've been having sex with Ross and Barry for a while now."

It's out there. Arin is watching Dan's face, his own face burning red-hot. Dan's eyes flicker over Arin as he takes in what Arin just said. It's possible that Dan might think that this is all some elaborate joke. It wouldn't be the first time Arin ever pulled shit like that. He doesn't think that he could take it, though, if Dan started laughing right now.

"You're...serious?" Dan says, just confirming what they both are thinking, maybe giving Arin one last second to laugh it off, to turn it into a joke.

Arin bites the bullet and nods, his throat suddenly too dry to speak.

Dan leans back in his seat, his hand gone from Arin's skin, leaving a warm patch behind. Dan's face is blank, and he looks from the table to Arin and back again.

"Does, ah, does Suzy know?"

Arin nods. "Yeah, Suzy knows. She's okay with it. She's been there a couple of times with Barry and -”

"Whoa!" Dan says, cutting Arin off as he jumps up suddenly, knocking over the chair he had been sitting in in the process. His hands are up like Arin was coming at him or some shit. "I just...hold on," Dan says, a frown taking over his face.

Arin stands, too, like somehow that makes it better. His heart is trembling in his chest. Dan's not exactly mad, but his sudden outburst doesn't bode well for the rest of the conversation.

"Barry had a threesome with you and Suzy?" Dan says instead.

"No," Arin says. "No, Suzy was just watching or she would help Barry learn how to do certain things. It wasn't like..." Arin trails off, unable to think of how to finish that. He fucks Suzy and he fucks Barry, but he's never fucked them both at the same time.

"Fuck," Dan says, his hand threading into his hair, pushing the wave of curls away from his face. "Holy shit, man."

"I know," Arin says. "I know it's weird. It's really fucking weird."

"Yeah, you think?" Dan says, his eyes wide. "I...just...how long has it been happening?"

"I don't know. A few months?"

"Jesus," Dan says, sitting again in a different chair. His original chair is still lying abandoned on the ground. "So...you've been fucking Ross and Barry for months and everyone knew but me?"

"It wasn't like I planned to exclude you," Arin says, the nerves in him rooting him to the floor. Dan is looking at him now, his dark eyes scanning Arin like he's seeing him for the first time. Arin swallows thickly, afraid of what he'll see reflected in Dan's eyes. "It was just something that happened."

"How _did_ this happen?" Dan asks. "I mean, what the fuck?"

Arin shrugs. "It was just something that I brought up. It was something I needed and I asked Ross and Barry if they'd be into it."

Dan's cheeks are red, his face looking just a little upset. "Are you, like, dating them, then? You're dating Ross and Barry?"

Arin shakes his head. "No, I'm still just married to Suzy. I just...I hook up with those guys, too."

Dan looks dazed. Arin doesn't blame him. He stands there, chewing his lip and waiting for Dan to sort through what Arin had just told him. Dan's eyes glance to him and he shakes his head.

"Wait, go back. You just said you needed something from them? You needed to fuck dudes?"

This is where it gets tricky. This is where Arin is breathless and afraid, more afraid than he's ever been because how he can give up this vulnerable part of himself? How can he explain to Dan what his body so desperately craves and just hope that Dan is okay with it?

"I...for a long time, I've felt this, like, desire, this burning in me that wanted one thing. I mean, sex with Suzy was great, it still is, but my body wanted more. I, uh... _I_ wanted to be fucked. I needed to be fucked and Ross and Barry were there for me with that. They - fuck, man, they're the ones that fuck me."

Arin closes his eyes and sways on his feet, suddenly dizzy with telling the truth. There is quiet, an achingly long silence where Arin can feel each beat of his heart loud and pounding in his ears. He can't explain it right, not the way he feels. He can't sit down and tell Dan how much he wants. When he finally opens his eyes, Dan is still there, sitting, looking at his folded hands in his lap.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Dan finally asks. His voice is deathly quiet. He looks at Arin, his eyes dark, a mystery to Arin for the first time ever. "It's been going on for months. All of my friends...and no one said anything. You...you're my best friend...we're - “Dan closes his mouth. He doesn't get angry easily, but Arin can feel the hurt in his voice. He had anticipated anger, had been waiting for Dan to run out, but he hadn't been expecting hurt. "I thought we were closer than that."

"We are close," Arin says. He dares himself to take one step closer to Dan, as if moving physically closer could remind him of their bond. "That's why I didn't say anything. I didn't know what you'd think and if you took it badly -”

Dan whips his head up to look at Arin. "You really think that I would've taken it badly?"

"Well, it's not going super great right now!"

"Because it's a lot to take in!" Dan waves his hands around in the air. "Is this why you were being so weird before? Why I thought you were mad at me?"

"I wanted to tell you before, but I chickened out," Arin explains.

"Fucking...fuck! And I talked to Barry about it that night and said how I was so fucking scared that you were pissed at me and, meanwhile, he knew exactly what was going on. You all did and everyone just let me..." Then Dan is quiet and his face takes on a thin mask of anger. "You all let me walk around like a fucking idiot."

"No, dude, it was between me and you. That's all. It's my fault, not theirs."

"Barry and Ross are my friends, too," Dan says. "Fuck, I _live_ with Barry and you all have been pulling the wool over my eyes and..." Dan trails off before his eyes widen and he's standing again, knocking over a second chair in the process. "Was it you that day at our place? When I came home early? Was...was Barry fucking you at our place?"

Arin bites his lip, but he nods. "Yeah, we were hooking up and you came home and I was so fucking scared."

"I can't believe this," Dan says, his voice steadily rising. "I even fucking told you about that story later before we recorded. You could have told me then!"

"Oh, what was I supposed to say?’Hey, Dan, that person Barry was fucking? It was me! Ha ha, isn't that funny? Okay, let's record now!' Yeah, that would have worked."

"Yes! It could have been that simple! Or, hey, maybe when you first started fucking them, you could have said something instead of waiting months later."

"I didn't know how to tell you. I was scared you'd leave. I was scared you wouldn't understand."

"I would never go. I wouldn't leave you guys! I wouldn't leave _you_. I can't believe you think I would..." Dan looks at Arin, really looks at him. "I thought you trusted me more than that."

There's a clear and evident hurt in Dan's voice, crossing his face, and, still, Arin feels like shit.

"I told you now," Arin says. "It's late, but I told you because I wanted you to be aware."

"Yeah, aware that all my friends are boning you behind my back."

Arin frowns. "I'm not required to tell you who I fuck, you know. I just wanted you to know it now."

Dan shakes his head, his hair flying around his face. Dan glances at Arin and, for a moment, it looks like he has something more to say, but he shakes his head, puts his hands up in a surrendering motion, and takes a step back from Arin.

"I gotta go," Dan says. "Thanks for breakfast." Dan is speaking fast, hurt, and then he's whirling around, a blur through the house and out the door before Arin can stop him. Arin lets Dan go. Even if he decided to follow, he wouldn't have stopped him, anyway. What Arin told him was a lot to take in. He gets that. Dan needs time and Arin wants to give it to him. It still doesn't stop him from feeling weak, shaken, suddenly drained of every other emotion.

Arin quietly rights the chairs that Dan had knocked over. He grabs his phone, sighs, and texts Ross, Barry, and Suzy to let them know that Dan finally knows.

\--

Arin stays up most of the night, waiting for a text or call from Dan. He was only expecting one because he thought maybe Dan would think of more questions for him, more things he wanted to know, but no contact ever came. It's the same when Arin wakes up late into the next afternoon, blearily reaching for his phone and finding no new messages.

"He needs time," Suzy says during lunch. "It's a lot to process."

Arin agrees, but it doesn't make him feel better. The last thing that he wanted was distance between Dan and himself, but now that's what he has. Never before had he ever hesitated about sending Dan a text or calling him, but now he just holds his phone in his sweaty hand like a makeshift worry stone.

It might have been easier if Dan had been outwardly mad and not just hurt because Arin hadn't let him in on the information. Everything was so new when it began and Arin wasn't sure if it would even work. He was terrified of letting more people know about his secret desires. Telling Dan had been a thought that passed through him, but he had let it go and never returned to it. Dan hadn't freaked out at all about the fact that Arin let guys fuck him, not like Arin thought he might. Still, he didn't tell Dan the whole truth. He had gone to the edge of the cliff, one foot dangling over the edge, but, still, he was unable to make the leap. He didn't tell Dan that he did, in fact, think about having sex with him.

The very first person Arin wanted to broach the topic about hooking up with was Dan, but he couldn't commit to it because Dan wasn’t as fluid as Ross and Barry. Dan could joke about fucking dudes, but Arin didn't think that he would be into it in a realistic way, so he never let himself imagine that maybe Dan would, if only Arin had asked. With one secret out, it only lets the other shine stronger in Arin's mind. He would fuck Dan. He would gladly fuck Dan. That didn't mean that he was in love with Dan, not like Barry and Ross think. He just wants sex, like he wants from the others.

Arin's phone finally chimes when he's getting ready to film an episode of KKG with Suzy. Arin embarrassingly scrambles to the couch to grab his phone, Suzy watching him with a shake of her head. When Arin checks his phone, the text is from Barry. Arin tries to hide the sudden rush of disappointment he feels. Arin had messaged Barry earlier that day just to ask if Barry thought Dan was okay, you know, since they live together and everything.  
 _New rules for the apartment. I'm not allowed to tell you what Dan is doing._

That was only fair. Dan already felt betrayed by Barry. It's only natural that he ask Barry not to answer questions from Arin.

_Okay. I'm just worried about him._

They'll have to see each other eventually to record the show - hopefully, if Dan still wants to.

_I know._

Arin doesn't bother replying to Barry. He records the episode with Suzy and spends the rest of the night trying not to mope around the house.

\--

Arin doesn’t see or hear from Dan for three days. He also hasn't been fucked in nearly a week, not even by Suzy. Every time he thinks, about it he remembers how he had inadvertently hurt Dan in the process. It's a definite boner-killer. The third day of radio silence between Dan and Arin is a recording day and Arin braves a text to Dan to ask him if he would be showing up as planned.

Its two hours before he gets a reply from Dan.

_Can I stop by your place before we go to the office?_

Arin sweats, but he's just happy that Dan wants to talk to him at all.

_Yeah, man, of course._

Suzy decides to leave again, letting Arin have some alone time with Dan so that they could sort their shit out once and for all. Arin paces his house, waiting for Dan to arrive, wondering what the other man might say. Could he really repair everything so that their relationship was back to normal?

Dan arrives within an hour of his text. Suzy happens to be leaving just as Dan arrives, giving him a hug and letting him into the house so that Arin doesn't have to. Arin is just standing in the living room, waiting for Dan to come inside. He feels dumb, nervous, and unsure of what to say or do. Dan comes into the house and stops short, meeting Arin's gaze across the room. Arin is already feeling better just by seeing Dan in person. It only shows how important Dan is to him, how much he wants him to stay.

"Hey," Arin says.

"Hey," Dan says.

"Do you wanna sit?" Arin asks, motioning toward the couch.

Dan nods. The two of them sit on opposite ends of the couch. An awkward silence spreads between them. Arin is afraid, so afraid that he already ruined their friendship, that things can never be the same.

"I'm sorry," Arin finds himself saying. He was going to let Dan talk first, but he couldn't contain his words. "I'm sorry for not telling you the truth and for being weird and for fucking everything up."

Dan's face is blank but soft. He shakes his head, his hair bouncing around. "No, man, I'm sorry. I reacted kinda weird and you were just trying to tell me something super personal. I get it. It must have been hard to say."

"I didn't keep it from you because I didn't trust you. It's just...our friendship is so important to me. You mean so much to me. We were perfect, dude. I just didn't want anything to change."

A smile graces Dan's lips and Arin finds himself smiling in return. Dan pulls at the sleeves of his jacket, fucks with the ends of the scarf that he's still taken to wearing every day, picks at the cushions of Arin's couch - a clear sign that he's nervous, too. That makes Arin feel a little better, at least.

"Since you were honest with me...uh, I wanted to come over and be honest with you," Dan says.

Arin is nervous again, his heart speeding up in his chest. What did Dan mean?

"Honest about what, Dan?"

Dan bites his lip, running his hands through his hair, messing up the already chaotic mess even more.

"I was upset when you told me not just because I felt like you all were keeping something from me...but, I guess, I was upset because you never approached me about it?" Dan says in a rush of words so fast that Arin almost misses them - but he doesn't.

He catches every one.

"What?" is all he can say because...what?

Dan's cheeks are pink. He looks at his hands, watching his own long fingers pick at the ends of the scarf. 

"I was wondering...I guess...why you didn't ask me...?"

"Hold on," Arin says, his mind suddenly reeling. "Hang on. What?"

Dan groans. "Why didn't you ask me to fuck you?" he spits out.

"You wanted me to ask you to fuck me?" Arin says faster than he could hold the words in.

Dan's cheeks are red now and Arin is pretty sure he must look the same way.

"Well, it's nice to be considered!"

Arin wants to laugh at how ridiculous this all sounds, how he had been so afraid of what Dan would say or think and here was Dan, getting offended that Arin hadn't asked him to hook up. Arin runs his fingers through his hair, shaking his head at the ceiling.

"I'm sorry? I didn't ask you because I was ninety-nine percent sure you would never agree," Arin says, the truth behind his words stinging just a little.

"Well, I mean, I'm straight and everything," Dan says and, oh, this is sounding more like the conversation that Arin was expecting from him. "I love girls and I love fucking girls, but, like, if you really needed someone to help, man..." Dan trails off. Arin can't even fucking look at him because he doesn't know what is happening.

Arin waits for Dan to keep going, but when he doesn't, it's Arin's turn to grow some balls and keep talking. "Are you saying that, if I had asked you to help me out, you would have?" Arin asks, his heart in his throat, creating a lump too big to swallow around.

Dan's mouth flattens and his cheeks are pink, but he swallows thickly and meets Arin's gaze. "I'm saying, if you needed me, I would have been there, but you didn't trust me to help you. You didn't want me to help you."

"That's not - " Arin slams his mouth shut, closing off the stream of consciousness reflexive response that almost leapt out of him. Dan is watching him with intent, an interest, waiting for Arin to continue. "Okay," Arin says instead. "Okay, next time I need to get fucked, I'll give you a call. How's that?"

The blush on Dan's cheeks darkens, and Arin's stomach hurts. Under different circumstances, this conversation would make him laugh, would be considered a joke, but there's this serious current that Arin can't shake. What the fuck is Dan doing to him?

"Could you, like, explain it to me? Maybe just a little?" Dan asks. "Just tell me what you wanted."

Arin's blood runs cold. He can't. Dan can't ask him to share his deepest parts, his most burning urges. Though Dan seems understanding, capable of taking it on, he's scared that, once he gets going, Dan will have had enough and tap out, leaving Arin standing there on the brink only to crash to the ground. Dan is looking at him with this sincere look on his stupidly handsome face.

Arin is a sucker, a fucking sucker.

He rests his head back against the couch, closes his eyes, like it might make it easier.

"It's just this feeling inside of me. I can't really explain it. I don't know why I feel like it, but my body just craves it. If I don't get fucked, then I'm not myself. It's not enough. Then, when I do get fucked, it's so good and I feel so right, so normal, but it never lasts long enough. That's why I always need more."

Arin is quiet, letting his words linger in the air between them. The room is still and silent, and Arin has this feeling of dread that, when he opens his eyes, Dan will be gone. The quiet becomes too much and Arin forces his eyes open only to find Dan still sitting there, looking at him dead on.

"I understand, I think," Dan says. "I understand that you need it."

"Suzy fucks me, too," Arin says; this time, he's still looking at Dan as he speaks. "But it's not the same, exactly. It's better with a flesh and blood dick."

Dan's eyes flicker over Arin, fast, not exactly nervous but something else that Arin can't place.

"So...it's just sex with them?" Dan asks. "Not a relationship?"

"Just sex," Arin agrees. "It's casual...as casual as it can be."

Dan swallows, his face almost completely red now. "When's the last time you, uh...you know?"

Arin feels weird talking about this with Dan, but the more that he says, the easier that he's finding it, like his brain is a faucet that was off for too long and, now that someone's turned the handle, it's broken, unable to be stopped.

"A little while. Like a week and a half or something. Which feels like forever with me," Arin says, and he does laugh, surprising himself.

"So, are you, like, really craving it?" Dan asks, something in his voice tight, something that makes Arin take notice.

Arin feels his body flush, a heat creeping up from his toes, working its way into his blood. Why did Dan want to know all this? What was he after? Just answers? It wouldn't be unlike Dan to want to learn as much as he could so that he felt truly informed, especially when this dealt with nearly everyone in his personal life.

"I guess," Arin says. "If I stop and think about it, then, yeah, I want it, but I didn't want to do anything with anyone until you knew, so..."

Dan licks his lips, a flash of pink tongue that makes a small wave of heat roll through Arin's stomach. 

"Hey, so, if you want, like, maybe I could help you, then?" Dan says, rushing through his words again, though they hit Arin like a physical punch, sticking right in his chest.

Arin is aware that he's probably gaping at Dan like a fish, like a stupid fucking idiot, but he doesn't know how else to react. "Are you fucking with me? You know, some kind of payback?"

"No!" Dan sounds nervous. He lowers his voice as he speaks again. "No, I just thought...since we're both here and talking about this, I could just -”

"What? Right now?" Arin asks. As hard as he tries, he can't keep the shock from his voice.

"If you want it," Dan says, his voice soft and sounding completely unsure.

"Dan," Arin says, even though his body is on fire, even though his heart is beating so fucking fast that he's sure that he's going to die right now on this couch. "Why are you saying all this?"

"I...I want to be there for you, like everyone else," Dan says.

Arin's heart kind of falls, tumbling around against his ribs before it crash lands in the pit of his stomach. Dan wants him, but not him at the same time, not for the right reasons. "Dan," Arin says, "you can't just want to fuck me because you feel like you need to be included."

"No, what? No, I don't give a shit about that! Goddamn it, Arin, you're my best fucking friend and I would do anything for you, including this."

"You're not just trying to nail me because you're offended that I didn't ask you in the first place?"

"I want to help, Arin."

None of this makes any fucking sense. It's like Arin fell and hit his head and now he's in one of those coma universes where you get everything you ever wanted, but you're also aware that it's a dream and you're gonna come out of it at any second.

"I...uh, I did some research," Dan says. "In case you said 'yes.'"

"Research?"

"I watched, like, three hours of gay porn."

Arin laughs again and, for a second, it feels normal, like old times. Dan smiles a lopsided, embarrassed smile, running a hand through his hair.

"You did?"

"Yeah. I wanted to be ready in case you needed me. I wanted to make sure I knew what to do."

Arin imagines Dan at home, browsing gay porn with the intent on picking up tips to use on him. The thought of Dan even touching him, even thinking about touching him, makes a fire spark inside his belly. Arin licks his lips, his heart going rabbit fast. He wants so badly, all of the sudden. He wants what he's wanted from day one. What Ross said was right. Maybe it would never be enough until it was Dan giving it to him. He's still unclear about Dan's motives, but Dan is looking at him with soft, kind eyes, like he's really going to fucking do it, and Arin is finding it hard to think of a reason not to.

"If..." Arin starts, his voice trembling. "If I say yes, you're really going to go through with it? All the way?" Arin doesn't want Dan to start and then back the fuck out. If this is serious and Dan is serious, then he needs a confirmation.

Dan nods. "Just tell me your rules, tell me what you’re comfortable with and what you want me to do."

Arin shivers, his dick twitching in his pants. He wants whatever Dan will give him. He wants Dan buried inside, fucking him hard enough that Arin will be sure to feel it the next day.

"I, uh, don't really have a lot of rules?" Arin says. "I usually just get fucked."

"Well, like, you're gonna have to talk me through it, then," Dan says.

Arin bites his lip, nodding, his brain suddenly filled with buzzing. "Okay."

"So," Dan says after a long moment, "you want to, right now?"

Arin can barely form words right now, but he manages to string a few together. "If you want to."

Then Arin can barely breathe because Dan is standing and he's offering his hand out for Arin to take. Arin does and Dan's fingers are warm when they grasp Arin's hand. He's up off the couch and, suddenly, Arin has no clue what he's doing, no clue where to go. It feels wrong to do this in his and Suzy's bed without her permission, so he starts walking to the guest bedroom, Dan's hand still in his. He can't fucking breathe, can't think. Is this really happening? Is Dan really going to fuck him right now?

Arin gets the two of them to the guest bedroom purely through muscle memory because his brain isn't working. All he can focus on is how warm Dan's hand is, the sure grip he's got on Arin's hand. Once the two of them are in the room, Arin isn't sure what's supposed to happen next. He's aware of Dan closing the door behind him because Mochi and Mimi were already following them up the hall, eager for Dan's attention.

"Do you, uh...want me to take off my clothes? Or just my pants? Should I just take my dick out? Like, through the zipper?" Dan asks, the nerves clear in his voice.

Arin smiles despite his own nerves because Dan does that to him, lights something up inside that just makes him happy no matter what. "Naked is fine. Whatever you're most comfortable with." Arin hasn't officially ever seen Dan naked. He's seen him close to naked, stuffed into impossibly tiny shorts or that one time at the Korean spa when Dan was leaving just as Arin was coming in, nothing but a white towel wrapped around his waist, but he's never seen Dan completely bare, exposed. The thought both makes him hard and scares the shit out of him.

Dan doesn't hesitate. Arin watches with a shaky breath as Dan unwinds the scarf from around his neck, lying it on the dresser in the room. His jacket slides off next, getting hung up on the chair at the desk. Then it's Dan's plaid button-up, laid abandoned on the floor. Then, as Dan hooks his fingers into the hem of his t-shirt, he glances at Arin as he tugs it off, revealing deliciously tanned skin, a flat stomach, mostly smooth with just a little smattering of dark hair.

It's when Dan drops his t-shirt alongside his button-up that Arin thinks maybe he should start losing some clothes, too. Without much hesitation, Arin tugs his shirt over his head. He's never really felt self-conscious around Dan, but this is different. Dan is going to see him, all of him, and that makes him want to curl up and hide just a little. Dan, though, smiles as Arin throws his shirt toward the corner of the room and he takes a few steps closer to Arin, quickly closing the space between them. Arin is watching Dan's face, his eyes flickering with something that Arin can't place. He's scared to find out what it is.

"Can I -” Dan starts, raising his hand and hovering it near Arin's shoulder.

Arin nods, though he's not completely sure what Dan is asking for. He already knows that he'll say 'yes,' no matter what it is. Dan's hand falls to Arin's shoulder, sliding his fingertips, rough with callouses from his bass lessons, down Arin's arm, his touch a barely-there skimming that already has Arin lightheaded. Dan's fingers trail down Arin's arm, cupping his elbow with a light touch. They're pretty close. Arin can smell Dan's deodorant, the coffee that he probably had with breakfast. He can feel the warmth radiating from Dan's thin frame. Arin's too nervous to look at Dan. He's stupidly got his eyes locked on their feet.

Dan's hand travels lower, skating across Arin's stomach before it settles warm and firm around his hip. Arin's head raises so that he and Dan are eye-to-eye. Dan's face is tinged pink and he looks nervous, but he's smiling.

"This is kinda weird," Dan says. He sounds just a little breathless. "Like, I've touched you before, but this is..."

"Yeah," Arin says with a nod. "I get it if you want to stop."

The thought makes him feel like crying. He doesn't want Dan to stop. He wants to feel Dan's hands roam over his body, mapping it, learning it.

Dan's eyes widen a little. "I don't want to stop...unless you want me to?"

Now Arin is going pink, rapidly reddening. "Well, no."

Then Dan's hands leave his body. Arin watches as Dan pops the button on his ratty jeans, his boxers peeking out from the opening. Arin swallows hard, heart beating too fast. He takes a deep breath and hooks his thumbs in the waistband of his sweats, pushing them down to his ankles before he can stop himself. Usually, in these situations, he's naked in ten seconds flat, but it's been at least two minutes and he’s only just now standing there in front of Dan with his rapidly hardening dick out in the open.

Dan laughs, which, Arin doesn't appreciate him laughing the second that he gets his dick out, but Dan must catch the slight look of panic that undoubtedly crosses Arin's face because he waves a hand at Arin.

"No, just, _of course_ you're not wearing underwear," Dan says around a nervous giggle.

"They're uncomfortable!" Arin says, and he's laughing, too, and, for a second, it's everything Arin wanted, their normal relationship and this new sex factor, perfectly melded into one being.

Dan is still laughing as he gets his own jeans off, standing there in boxers that are an ugly shade of green and too big on Dan's tiny-ass waist. Arin thinks that maybe he should feel self-conscious or weird, standing there with his dick out, semi-hard. It's a struggle not to reflexively reach out and stroke himself.

Dan's eyes rake over Arin and, again, Arin struggles not to move, not to touch. Dan's eyes darken just a little before he meets Arin's gaze.

"You've finally got us all inducted into the D club," Dan says with a shake of his head as he slides out of his boxers, letting them fall to the carpet.

Dan is a little hard, his dick bigger than Arin had imagined. Dan was always saying that his dick was big; it isn't as big as he claimed it to be, but still bigger than Ross or Barry. Arin is aware that he can't stop staring at Dan's dick. His dick is long, but not very thick, still nice. The hunger in Arin burns like the fucking sun, engulfing his stomach. If he was ever unsure of wanting Dan to fuck him, he knows it isn't true because all he wants is Dan's dick inside of him.

Now Arin can't stop himself from touching his own dick, stroking a hand over his cock. His dick twitches to life in his hand, growing ever harder. Dan bites his lip, watching Arin stroke himself. Arin's breathing is shaky and he's trembling from how much he wants this. If this were anyone else, he'd be on his hands and knees already, three fingers inside himself to slick himself up, rushing because he wants to get to the good part, but Dan's never done this, at least not with Arin, and though he wants so much, he also doesn't want to rush it. He still can't believe that it's happening, like its all some alternate universe fever dream and, once it's over, he'll wake up in the real world where it never happened at all.

"What happens now?" Dan asks, his voice more nervous than before. His dick is now almost fully hard, looking even bigger now. Arin fights back a groan.

"I, uh...usually, I'm fingering myself...you know, getting ready?"

Dan's eyes widen, but he nods sagely. "I am familiar, what with the gay porn and all."

Arin laughs, shaking his head. He moves to the nightstand near the bed. He keeps extra lube and condoms in here in case he ever hooked up with Ross or Barry at his place, but he never had to use the guest bedroom before. Now he grabs the lube and a roll of condoms with clumsy fingers, tossing the condoms on the bed.

Arin sits on the edge of the bed, the small bottle of lube cold against his palm. He pops the plastic top and is about to dribble some on his fingers when Dan speaks up.

"Wait," he says, and then Arin is looking up in time to see Dan cross the room, closing the space between them. Arin is sitting and Dan is standing, Dan's dick so close to Arin's face. He's never much wanted to suck dick, but, fuck, he wouldn't mind having Dan's in his mouth right about now. Dan, though, is suddenly bending down so that the two of them are level again. Arin's mouth is dry. He doesn't know what Dan's doing and he can't ask, can't speak or move. He just waits, looking into Dan's eyes and trusting what he finds there.

"Can I...?" Dan is asking again, but blood is rushing in Arin's ears, so he can barely hear him. "Can I kiss you?" Dan asks.

Arin stops breathing. Arin's heart rattles on. Dan wants to kiss him? Somehow, that seems more intimidating than the prospect of Dan fucking him. Arin's never kissed Ross or Barry, never wanted to. Arin finds himself nodding like a fucking idiot and then Dan's fingers are on his chin, tilting his face up, and then...then, Dan's mouth is pressed so fucking sweet and gentle to Arin's.

The kiss isn't anything special, not outwardly. At first, it's just an innocent press of their mouths. Dan's fingers open along Arin's jaw, spreading out to cup his face. Arin can smell the musky scent from Dan's skin. Dan's lips are soft, smooth, but rougher than Suzy's. Arin can count the people that he's kissed on one hand and now Dan is among them. Dan's other hand, the one not cupping Arin's jaw, sinks into his hair, threading long fingers into his silky strands. The movement surprises Arin. He opens his mouth against Dan's in a gasp, but Dan moves with him. Suddenly, the kiss is deepening. Suddenly, Arin can feel Dan's tongue brushing against his bottom lip and then Dan's tongue is in his mouth.

Arin drops the bottle of lube and his hands seek out Dan’s skin. The fire in his stomach is boiling now. His hands find Dan's thin shoulders, gripping for life. It's strange to him how, in most things, Dan follows Arin, defers to his lead, but not in this. Dan is kissing him, leading it. He groans into the kiss and Dan makes this small, breathy noise that has Arin's cock twitching hard in his lap. Their tongues slide together and Arin can't think, can barely breathe. His body is desperate for this. He wants Dan to kiss him all night, during every Grump session, every morning he wakes up. He wants Dan's mouth on his as much as possible.

The thought causes this sliver of panic to rise in Arin's chest. It's this sudden realization, kissing Dan, stroking the warm, tanned skin under his palms, the fact that he really could just make out with Dan all night and nothing more could happen and he would be fine with it...that scares him. Dan's a fucking good kisser, his mouth warm, sweet, and Arin almost feels like crying.

This isn't the same. The feeling burning him up from the inside out isn't the same feeling that he gets with Ross or Barry. That isn't what scares him. What scares him, what terrifies him, is that this feeling blossoming in his chest, spreading over him in waves...this feels just like when he kissed Suzy for the first time.

Arin breaks the kiss, pulling away suddenly. Dan's eyes fly open and his hands leave Arin's face. Already, Arin misses the touches. "What?" Dan asks, his voice rough. Arin wants to groan. "Did I do something wrong? Are you okay?"

Arin bites his lip. Dan's eyes are filled with worry, but his mouth is wet and red, a filthy, wonderful sight.

"No, it's me. It's always fucking me," Arin says, more to himself than to Dan.

"Arin?" Dan's hand hovers near Arin, like he wants to reach out and touch but doesn't want to make things worse.

"I can't do this." Arin stands up and Dan takes a step back.

"Okay. I'm sorry. I feel like I fucked up. Should I not have kissed you?"

Arin runs a hand through his hair. He can't believe this. He's standing here, naked and still semi-hard, with Dan, who's also naked and kinda hard and he can't go through with it. Barry and Ross's words float through his head. The feeling that Arin knew was there all along, longer than this all began, the thing that he's been trying so desperately to hide and ignore...it was there all along. It always had been.

"You didn't do anything wrong," Arin says.

"Then what happened?" Dan asks. "I...it seemed like you were enjoying it."

"I was. That's the problem. I can't fuck you because you're just doing it to be nice or whatever and I can't...I can't have it just once. I don't want to kiss you just for tonight. I don't want this to be the only time you touch me. I want you to fuck me - believe me, I want it so fucking bad - but there's no way I can be with you just this once, not like this."

"Arin," Dan says, "whatever you need, man. Whenever you need my help. I'll -”

Arin shakes his head. "No, it's not about getting a dick in my ass. I'm fucking...I'm fucking in love with you, Dan."

Then it's out there, in one solid, tangible moment. Arin is now completely bare, beyond just his skin; he's out there all the way. Dan knows everything. He feels weak all of the sudden and can't look at Dan. His own voice rings in his head, louder with each second of silence, like a bell growing closer and closer. Dan isn't moving and he isn't talking. Arin closes his eyes, curses Barry and Ross, their fucking ideas. He hates himself for needing more than Dan could give. He should have settled for getting fucked. He should have taken this one night and not complained and kept going like before. Now there's a whole world of trouble open before him. Dan can't even talk to him right now. Arin grits his teeth, still tasting Dan on his tongue.

"Arin," Dan says softly, surely the beginning of an 'I'm sorry, but - ' and Arin can't handle it - not right now, maybe not ever.

"No," he says, shaking his head. His actions don't feel like his own. He feels like he's moving on autopilot again as he grabs his pants and a shirt off the floor. He tugs his clothes on, so aware of Dan's eyes on him.

"Arin," Dan tries again. He makes no movements to stop Arin or get himself dressed.

"I gotta go," Arin says once he has pants on again. "I gotta -”

"But this is _your_ house!" Dan says as Arin rushes from the guest bedroom.

Arin tries to keep everything together, keep himself in a tight bundle until he's outside in the too-bright sunlight and inside his car. It's when he backs out of the driveway and drives off...that's when the pain hits him like a punch, a physical strike, and his pieces start crumbling around him. He can run from Dan, he can drive away from the house where his best friend stood naked, waiting to fuck him. He can flee, but he can't leave this intense, choking pain behind. Arin looks at himself in the rear view mirror and wills himself not to cry, not to feel.

It doesn't work. He feels it all.

Arin drives twenty minutes to this park that he and Suzy once had a picnic at. He parks in the small, square slab of parking lot, the lot virtually abandoned. It isn't until Arin has turned off his car that he notices the shirt he grabbed on his way out of the house was Dan's and not his own. He should have guessed with the way it was squeezing at him. The shirt smells like Dan; at least, Arin hopes it's just the shirt because he doesn't think he can handle the thought of his own skin smelling like Dan.

Even thinking of his best friend causes a clenching feeling in his chest. He had told Dan the truth, just as everyone had suggested, and it hadn't worked. Dan wasn't suddenly and magically in love with him. What stings more than anything else was that Arin had let himself believe that it could be true. The kiss that he'd shared with Dan had felt like something different, something more, but it wasn't. Dan was kissing Arin because Dan is normal and kisses people before he fucks them. He was only going to fuck Arin to help him out.

Within seconds of parking his car, Arin's phone starts ringing. He's surprised that, in his haste, he even thought to grab it, but he usually pairs his keys and his phone together, so he remembers to grab them both whenever he leaves. Arin has a sick feeling in his stomach and he checks the screen to find Dan's name blinking at him. He doesn't answer. He can't. He can't listen to Dan tell him that he's not interested, that he loves Arin but that it will never be in the right way.

The call eventually goes to his voice mail, and then the chiming noise signaling that he has a new voicemail plays. Arin ignores it, but it's hard. He wants to listen, but he's too goddamn afraid. The last few hours feel like a dream, a blur, like they didn't really happen. How could he go from fixing his friendship with Dan, to almost fucking Dan, to now confessing his love for Dan? Now he's alone in a park, wearing Dan's shirt and feeling like he wants to die.

The calls don't stop. There are at least three more from Dan, one after another. In a break from one of those calls, Arin decides to call Suzy. He debates it for a moment as he picks up the phone. Suzy is probably with Holly and Ross is probably hanging around. Suzy will probably be worried as soon as Arin tells her what happened and, if she's worried, then Ross and Holly will pick up on it. It'll become real then. Not that it isn't real now, but if it's just he and Dan, it feels a little more isolated, more self-contained.

In the end, Arin calls Barry.

He picks up on the second ring, when Arin feels sick to his stomach.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Barry," Arin says. He tries to keep any emotion out of his voice, but he's not sure it works.

"Hey, man, what's up?"

"I, uh...well, fuck, man. I think that I just told Dan that I was in love with him."

There's a small silence, one where Barry is calculating what to say or waiting to see if Arin will start laughing, turning it into a joke. Arin's never felt more serious in his life.

"Shit, really?" Barry asks. "What, ah, what did Dan say?" Barry sounds apprehensive, worried to ask about it, since he’s probably already figured out that, if it went well, Arin probably wouldn't be on the phone right now.

Arin sighs. "I don't know. I left before he could say anything, but it didn't sound good."

"You left? Where are you? Where's Dan?"

"I'm at a park. I'm okay, just...I think I'm okay. I don't really know. Dan's at my house, maybe. He wasn't even dressed when I left..."

"Alright," Barry says calmly, more calmly than Arin thinks he might sound if the roles were reversed. "What the hell happened? He said he was going to talk to you."

"We did talk, and then he asked me about why I need to be fucked, and he offered to help me out, and I was going to go through with it, Barry. I really fucking was, like, we were naked and everything, and then he fucking kissed me and I just - “Arin stops, unable to make himself feel it all again.

"It’s alright, Arin," Barry says, though it doesn't feel alright. It feels far from alright.

"I'm in love with him," Arin says. He says it just to get it out there, like admitting it to Barry is admitting it to the world. "I fucking love him."

"Arin," Barry says, "why don't you tell me where you are and I'll come meet you?"

"I..." Arin falters. "No, I'm okay. I just need some time by myself." Arin doesn't wait to hear Barry argue with him on that point. "I'm gonna go." He hangs up, barely catching Barry's 'Wait!' before he ends the call.

There are more missed call notifications on Arin's phone after he ends the call. More calls from Dan. Arin rubs at his eyes with the heels of his palm. How did he let things get this far? This messy? He was selfish and, now that he told Dan, it's possible he might have altered their friendship, his life, and his job forever. Mostly, his chest aches, a constant reminder of how he fucked up. Arin reclines the driver seat all the way back and lies back in the seat, staring at the ceiling of his car.

Arin must have dozed off while reveling in his misery because, the next thing he knows, he's woken up by a sharp knocking on the driver side window. Arin jerks up, thinking that it's the police, which isn't unreasonable because he's been parked in the same spot overlooking the sprawling green land for close to two hours now. It isn't the police, though, not even a worried park-goer. No, peering into the window is the concerned face of Arin's wife.

Arin gets the window down. "Suzy?" he asks. "What are you doing here?"

"Barry said you were at a park. I figured it was this one.”

Arin groans. "Barry called you?" He didn't want to make this into a big deal. Goddamn Barry and his goddamn worrying nature.

"Only because he was worried. He said you didn't sound like yourself. Can I come in?" Suzy asks, pointing at the car.

Arin hits the 'unlock' button on his car and Suzy walks around the back before sliding into the passenger seat. She looks at him with worry in her own eyes. Arin feels like utter shit.

"I'm sorry if he scared you or something. I'm okay. I just..."

Suzy reaches out and touches Arin's shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. "Its okay, Arin."

Arin feels a little like a child seeing his mom after giving her a bad report card, like he's ashamed and embarrassed to have caused trouble. "I guess he told you what happened?"

"A little," Suzy says, "but Dan told me more."

Arin freezes at her words. "You talked to Dan?"

She nods, her hair slipping into her face. "He called me first. He said you took off so fast and wouldn't answer his calls. He was worried."

Fresh pain blooms in Arin's chest, a festering wound he's carrying inside of him.

"I think I fucked it all up," Arin says, his hands gripping the steering wheel for no real reason, just for something to do, something tedious to remove himself from the moment.

Suzy's hand slides from his shoulder to his cheek, cupping his face, warm and kind. It reminds him of how Dan had held his face as they kissed. The festering wound in him spreads, expanding outward in every direction. It’s sure to consume Arin until he’s nothing, until he’s rotten to the core. Arin wants to ask her what else Dan said, if anything, but he's afraid to find out. Instead, Arin takes her hand and kisses her palm, taking comfort in the person that he knows loves him back.

"I almost let him fuck me," Arin says, and Suzy nods.

"That's okay. We talked about that before. As long as you're safe and we've talked about it, then it's fine."

Arin holds her hand, rubbing the back of it with his thumb. "I told him I was in love with him." He looks at Suzy now. "I think I am."

Her smile falters a little, microscopic, but she never pulls away from him. "I know. I've guessed at it for a long time. What I didn't know, though, was...when you figured it out...how you would feel about me?" she says. He frowns. It's the first time Suzy's expressed any fear regarding what Arin has needed. So much of the their time is spent focusing on helping Arin get what he needs that he feels like a huge asshole for ignoring any worry she might have been having.

"Suzy, what? I love Dan, yeah, but I love you, too. So much. You're my wife. I do love you both...is that okay? I know it's different than the sex stuff."

"I love you, and I don't want you to ever feel like you can't be who you are," Suzy says. "I get it. I'm not going anywhere."

Arin pulls her in for a kiss, erasing Dan's lingering taste with the familiar presence of Suzy. She breaks the kiss after a moment, wiping her lip gloss off the corners of his mouth.

"I do think you need to talk to Dan. You need to hear him out. He said you left before the two of you got to talk."

Arin glances down at the t-shirt he's squeezed into and the smell that still clings to it. He thinks of this moment with Suzy and how everything translates to the moment Dan kissed him in the guest bedroom. He loves Dan. No matter what happens next, that fact is already out there. Arin has nothing left to do but hear what Dan has to say.

"Did he stay at our place?" Arin asks.

"He did for a while. He got nervous that you wouldn't come home if you saw his car in the driveway, though, so he left a little bit ago."

Arin pictures Dan at his place, talking to Barry now in the same way that Arin is talking to Suzy. Dan had been worried about him and Arin has all those missed calls, those messages he hadn't checked. He wants to listen to them now, in a way, bite the bullet, but he would rather see Dan in person and face it that way.

Arin drives home with Suzy tailing him and, when he arrives, it's almost like stepping into a haunted house, like something will jump out at him from around the corner and drag him to his horrible demise. As soon as they get home, Arin peels off Dan's t-shirt and sets it on the nightstand on his side of the bed. At this point, he's tired, drained from the reeling cycle of emotions he'd gone through that day. Suzy is making dinner as Arin lies in bed. He thinks about calling Dan, but, instead, he opens his voicemails and begins listening.

_Arin, please answer your phone...unless you're driving, then don't answer...Jesus, what the fuck am I doing? I just...can you come back? I'll leave, if you want, I just want you to come back to the house, okay? Call me, please..._

Dan's voice played slightly panicked over the voice mail, the slight sound of rustling fabric in the background as he talked. Arin closes his eyes, focusing on Dan's voice, picturing him sloppily dressing as he talks to Arin's answering machine. The rest of the messages are similar, with Dan pleading with Arin to answer or call back, just to let him know he was okay. The only difference is that Dan was sounding more and more worried as the messages went on.

In his bed, Arin's heart is both too fast and too slow. He opens his eyes and deletes the messages off his phone before sliding the device under his pillow. Somehow, everything had spun out of his control, a feeling he hates. There were so many times where the others depended on Arin to lead them, to make decisions, and here he was, playing fast and reckless, lost as fuck.

Mochi slips into the room, jumping up on the bed and making his way directly to Arin, crawling on top of him before curling into a tight little gray ball on the middle of Arin's chest. He's glad for the distraction and, before long, the slight rumbling purr emitting from Mochi is enough to make Arin fall asleep.

\--

The next morning things have calmed; at least, the storm inside of Arin has passed. He's clearer somehow, lighter, like letting go of all his secrets had changed him somehow. Still, thinking of Dan hurts, scares him, and brings that little squall of cold to roll around his stomach. Arin is up too fucking early. He slips from the bed quietly so that he doesn't wake Suzy up.

Arin tries to go about his day - taking a shower, brushing his teeth, having breakfast - but the routine does nothing to stop the constant thoughts playing in a loop at the back of his mind. He's thinking of Dan. He wonders if the other man is awake yet, if he's tempted to text or call again. Arin tried to text him, spending a good hour opening and closing a blank message over and over again until he finally gave up.

This can't be solved over a phone and Arin knows it. He knows he has to go see Dan. After his morning routine is done, it's still early, but Arin figures Dan might be awake. He doesn't call or text before he pads to his car, jotting a note to Suzy about where he's going on his way out the door. He has to do this now, while this wild rush of bravery is surging through him.

The drive to Dan and Barry’s place has never felt shorter; even with the standard god-awful traffic, it still feels like he arrives way too soon. The entire drive over, Arin was white-knuckling the steering wheel, going over what to say in his head, but the second he pulls into Dan and Barry's driveway, all his carefully rehearsed thoughts evaporate. Barry's car isn't in the driveway; instead, Dan’s car sits there alone. Arin briefly wonders if Barry is already at the Grump Space, but it could also be that Dan and Barry left somewhere together.

Arin glances at himself in the rear view mirror. "Don't be a pussy," he mutters to the empty space of the car interior. He takes a breath and then he's opening the door and forcing himself to head up to the front door.

Arin is a bundle of nerves as he knocks on the door, his breath caught in his throat. There's no answer, at least not right away. Still, it's earlier than most of them - except Barry - operate, so he wouldn't be surprised if Dan were still asleep. Arin is about to knock again when he hears a muffled "Hang on!" and then the door is opening and Dan is standing there in his pajamas and shrouded in the dim light of the house.

"Arin!" Dan says, his surprise trumping any other emotion, his face blank but his eyes wide. He scans over Arin, like somehow he'll look different today than he did the day before.

"Hey, I know it's early and I didn't call, but I was hoping we could sort some shit out?"

Dan nods. "Dude, yes, of course." He moves aside, letting Arin slip past him and into the house.

Arin hasn't been here since the last time he fucked Barry, the memory making his skin prickle uncomfortably. "Where's Barry?" Arin asks as Dan closes the door behind them.

"He went to the office to work on shit. That goddamn overachiever." Dan laughs, and Arin can feel himself smile. He's more amazed that Dan can laugh and joke with him, can act like nothing happened yesterday.

They end up in the living room, a mirror of their previous conversation at Arin's place the day before, the one that had led to Arin's confession. Arin is sitting on the couch and Dan's in this square, boxy recliner that he loves and Barry despises.

"So," Dan says, clearly unsure of where to begin, "where should we start?"

Arin looks at his knees, his hands clasped between them as he shakes his head. "I have no clue. I guess...I'm sorry I made you worry."

"It's cool," Dan says, even though it probably isn't. "You just left so fast. I kept picturing you getting into some kind of accident and I was pissed at myself for not going after you."

What if he had? What if Dan had stopped Arin or followed him yesterday? What would have happened then? Arin isn't sure. He looks up from his knees to Dan. The fact that he told Dan he loved him now hangs heavy in the air between them, feeling real, thick, like a fog clouding up the space, threatening to choke Arin completely.

"About what happened yesterday," Arin starts, and he's a chickenshit, unable to keep looking at Dan's face. He looks at his feet, then Dan's own socked feet, then that weird vase that sits on the coffee table, the one Barry made in college. He looks anywhere but at Dan.

"Yeah," Dan says, and it's almost a relief that Arin can pick out the thread of nerves in his voice. It's nice to know he's not the only one sweating this conversation.

"I never let Ross or Barry kiss me," Arin says.

"What?" Dan says.

It isn't at all the way he had practiced to start this conversation, but the thought struck him now.

"We didn't kiss. I never kissed them like I kissed you."

The memory of the kiss makes Arin's chest ache. He had replayed it so many times in his head, trying to memorize every detail, from the pressure of Dan's mouth to the swipe of his calloused fingertips against the stubble on Arin's jaw, memorizing because he's terrified that it's all he'll ever have left.

"You didn't?" Dan asks. He's sitting calmly in the chair, like this is a perfectly normal conversation.

"It wasn't romantic. I know it was sex, but it wasn't romantic. I don't, like, fuck, I don't think about them as soon as I wake up or right before I go to sleep, they don't make my stomach hurt, they don't make every part of me light up, and they don't make me ramble like a sappy fucking idiot," Arin says, shaking his head. "You do that."

Dan's eyes go wide again, and he's sitting stock-still in the chair. It's dangerous to tell Dan so much, to confess to the depths of his love. He's probably scaring the shit out of Dan right now, Mr. Can't Commit.

"I'm, like, ninety-nine percent sure that I'm in love with you, is what I'm trying to say. I know I said it yesterday, but I need to say it again," Arin says. He can't look at Dan. He can't. "Like, I've loved you for a long time now. I think ever since the first day I met you. I think it must have always been there in some way and I just...I was scared. I _am_ scared." Arin stops for a moment, but Dan doesn't interrupt. "You're my best friend and you mean the whole goddamn world to me, Dan, and I'm sorry for throwing all this shit at you, and, mostly, I want you to know that it's okay, man. It's okay that you don't feel the same. I just don't want to lose you." Arin is aware of the sharp pain prodding at him, the weariness settling behind his eyes. He needs to fucking look at Dan, but he's frozen with fear.

Dan is quiet, and it's that fucking silence that finally forces Arin to look at him. Dan is sitting there, calm, his face a blank mask but his eyes cloudy, a mystery to Arin. He's aware of his heart beating so rapidly in his chest, adrenaline pouring through him.

He figures Dan is trying to think of a nice way to let him down. There isn't really a nice way, but Dan's a fucking nice guy and Arin had been expecting it, wearing that expectation like a shield, bracing himself for the impact. _Dan loves girls, you fucking idiot, Dan won't ever love you, and you should have remembered that from the start._

"You're my best friend, too," Dan says finally.

Arin's heart sinks, dropping like a rock in the ocean, straight to the bottom. Dan looks at his lap, but his eyes raise, and then he's looking at Arin. This is it. No matter what happens, they can't go back. Arin embraces the impending pain like he's already feeling it, like Dan's already said it. He'll take it if it means nothing else has to change. He'll live with it if it means Dan will stay.

"I wouldn't kiss Barry or Ross," Dan says a moment later.

Arin frowns. "What?"

"I mean, I wouldn't fuck them, either...like, if they asked or whatever. I wouldn't do it."

Arin doesn't know what's happening here. He doesn't know what Dan means.

"Dan, I - " Arin tries. Dan raises a hand to silence him.

"Like, you left so fast yesterday that you didn't even let me say anything when you told me you loved me," Dan says. Arin's heart skips a beat hearing Dan repeat it, confirming it, even though it's already very much a fact. Dan runs a hand through his hair, pushing it away from his face. For a minute, it looks like he might be sick. Arin can't fucking breathe.

"What would you have said if I hadn't left?" Arin asks, breathless.

Dan bites his lip, his dark eyes flickering over Arin's face. "I would have said that I think I love you, too."

For a moment, the world stops, slows considerably, a freeze-frame where Arin's out of synch with everything else, his body going faster than the universe.

"I...what?" Arin gapes.

"Fuck, man," Dan says, hands back in his hair. "How are we so terrible at this?"

Arin feels himself smile even though he can't breathe, even though he's sure he's dead, even though he's gone blind, deaf, and dumb because he can't have possibly heard Dan right.

"We're terrible at everything, dude."

Dan laughs, shaking his head, his eyes slipping closed for a moment. When he opens them again, he's smiling at Arin.

"You wouldn't kiss Ross or Barry," Arin repeats, and Dan nods.

"But I kissed you," he adds, as if Arin needs a reminder of that fact.

Arin is still scared to believe Dan's words, to believe that this could really be happening and it wasn't some weird, fucked-up joke.

Then Dan is up and he's crossing the room like he had done the day before when he met Arin at the edge of the bed. Now Dan's sitting on the couch next to Arin, his thigh touching against Arin's, a warm pin-point.

"When I met you, I knew I liked you and wanted to know you, be around you. The more I was around you, the more that feeling grew and I didn't know what any of it meant, just that it scared me because a joke is a fucking joke, but this was serious and you're fucking married...and my best friend, and I never...I never felt anything for a guy before." Now Arin is quiet, listening to Dan talk softly next to him. "I tried to just forget it and hope it went away, but then you started acting weird, and then you told me that you really do fuck guys and I was...well, I was jealous at first that Barry and Ross fucked you, but then I realized it meant maybe something could happen, but I didn't know how you felt. I knew you were wanting to get fucked, so I decided to try and see if we could fuck, like, maybe it would get it all out of my system?"

Arin is dumbfounded. He has always considered himself pretty good at reading people, especially at reading Dan, but he hadn't realized that Dan was also keeping things from him, hiding emotions around him. Somehow, the two of them had been after the same thing, set up the fuck as a way to still have a piece of something they both apparently wanted, both of them hoping it would be enough, but they never fucked and it lead them here.

A tingling spreads through Arin, almost like his limbs are asleep, but there’s a warmth to it that comes from Dan's words. The thought that Dan had wanted him all along, thought about him, too, that he was scared, too...a wave crashes through Arin, setting the Earth in motion around them, and he can't stop himself before he's leaning forward and catching Dan's mouth in a kiss.

Dan makes a noise of surprise, but he doesn't pull away. His hands fly to Arin's biceps, clutching at the soft muscled skin there. Dan's hands ground him in a way he fucking loves. It's only their second kiss and Arin has no fucking clue what's happening between them. He just knows he wants to kiss Dan, and he doesn't want to wait one second longer.

Arin's chest is full, about to burst. A small mantra repeats itself in his head: _Dan loves me, too; Dan loves me back; Dan loves me._ One of Arin's hands finds its way to Dan's back, his fingers spreading open against the thin fabric of Dan's t-shirt. Their mouths move together messy but sweet. They are moving too fast, too eager to be really good at it. Arin is suddenly greedy and he wants to taste Dan again. He slides his tongue against Dan's lips and the older man groans before he opens to let Arin in.

As they kiss, they move closer, hands sliding, roaming, exploring with a new-found freedom. Dan tastes the same as yesterday and, like the day before, Dan is touching Arin's face. Beneath all the crushing, bursting, free-falling emotions, the fire that is so familiar to Arin begins to build inside of him. He wants again, more desperately than ever before. Dan wasn't going to fuck him to be nice. Dan was going to fuck him because he wanted to. To be so assured that Dan wants him in the same way that Arin so desperately wants to be taken is only making Arin want Dan that much more.

They break their kiss to breathe, Arin leaning his head forward to rest it on Dan's bony shoulder. He pants lightly against Dan's shirt before turning his head to press a soft kiss to the base of Dan's throat. 

"Fuck," Dan breathes, his voice rumbling against Arin's mouth. Arin smiles and pulls back, meeting Dan's eyes. Dan's eyes are dark, darker than Arin's ever seen them before, his pupils blown wide. His mouth is pleasantly red again. Arin doesn't think Dan could ever get more beautiful than right now. Arin touches Dan's face, cupping his jaw, his thumb brushing Dan's swollen bottom lip. Dan closes his eyes for a moment, hums something soft and gentle. "This is crazy," he whispers, like he's afraid of breaking the moment, like saying something will make it all stop and disappear.

"I know," Arin says, "but I love you, and I want you."

Dan's eyes fly open, a small heat rising to his cheeks. He takes Arin's hand from his face, lacing their fingers together before he leans in to close the small space between them, pressing a sweet little kiss to Arin's mouth. 

"You have no fucking idea how much I want you, too," Dan says, his voice low, betraying the innocence behind his kisses and the gentle way he holds Arin's hand.

Arin's head is swimming. He's never been drunk or high, but this feels like how he imagines it would be. He feels oddly giddy, excited, his cock half-hard in his pants. They really can fuck this time and oh, God does Arin want to be fucked by Dan right about now. There's nothing to stop them this time.

Arin touches Dan's thigh, running his hand over the soft material of the shorts Dan is wearing, inching his hand up Dan's thigh. "Please," he says as he leans in and kisses Dan, something slicker, just this side of filthy as his tongue flicks against Dan's mouth. "Please, will you fuck me?"

"Holy shit," Dan breathes before he crushes his mouth to Arin's, a sign that Arin is going to take as an enthusiastic 'yes.' Dan is pressing against him, shifting, and Arin takes it as a cue to lie back on the couch which he does, causing Dan to come with him, their mouths still attached. Dan is a light weight pressing on top of him, his hands planted on either side of Arin's head. Arin's body is tingling at the feeling of Dan’s body pressed against his own.

Again, they part to breathe, but it's Dan who this time moves his mouth to Arin's neck, pressing small, wet kisses there. Arin turns his head to give Dan more access and Dan nips at the skin in return. Arin groans, his dick twitching in his pants. He's nearly fully hard already.

"I thought I've heard every sound you could make," Dan murmurs against Arin's skin. "Clearly, I was wrong."

"Fuck, you get me so worked up, you have no idea," Arin confesses. He runs a hand through Dan's hair, his fingers catching slightly in Dan's mass of curls. Dan leans up so that his face is hovering above Arin's, his hair falling around his face like a dark halo. His eyes scan Arin, like, for a second, he still can't believe they're really doing this.

"When I watched all that porn before...I was thinking of you the whole time, like, imagining you and me, and I was so hard, like harder than I've ever been before. I came so fast when I touched myself...I should probably be embarrassed telling you that," Dan says, his voice a strange mix of sexy and embarrassed.

Arin snorts. "Aw, shit, I'm dealing with a two-pump chump over here?"

Dan rolls his eyes, but he's grinning like a big, dumb idiot. "You're so fucking hot, I might just come from seeing you naked for the second time."

Arin gets a hand on the back of Dan's neck, tugging him down to kiss him again. God, he doesn't ever think he'll get sick of that, the ability to kiss Dan when he wants to, whenever he thinks about it. There have been so many times he's wanted to kiss him, so many recording sessions where they were close and Arin wanted so badly to kiss Dan, but here he was now, pinned under Dan on the couch, their mouths moving together easily, perfectly.

Dan's hips shift against Arin and he can feel the press of Dan's hard dick against his thigh. Arin groans, his own cock straining against the fabric of his sweatpants. Arin decides they're wearing too many clothes and his hands trail down the thin flanks of Dan's sides before they reach the bottom of his t-shirt, his fingertips brushing against Dan's sharp hips before he grabs the hem of the shirt, and then he's tugging upward. Dan gets the hint and leans back, allowing Arin to pull his t-shirt off.

"You next," Dan says. He's perched on top of Arin, shirtless, grinning down at the younger man. Dan's hands go for Arin's shirt, but, because of his position on the couch, removing his shirt isn't as easy as Dan's. In the end, Arin has to sit up, and Dan shifts himself so that he's sitting in Arin's lap. He's so close that he can definitely feel the hardness of Dan's dick, and Arin wants. He wants so fucking bad.

Their pants go next, Dan sliding out of his shorts before he helps Arin tug off his sweatpants. Again, Arin had gone without underwear and Dan snorts at him. "I'm gonna buy you some expensive-ass underwear for Christmas, I swear to God. Then you'll have to wear them."

"Don't complain. You're that much closer to my dick, dude."

Dan's dick is tenting in his boxers and Arin glances at Dan's face before he looks to Dan's dick.

"Can I?" he asks.

"Fuck, please."

They move so that Dan is leaning against the opposite arm of the couch and Arin is over him. He reaches out and traces a finger over the outline of Dan's dick. Dan hisses. Arin's mouth practically waters. He cups the bulge of Dan's dick through his boxers, rubbing him slightly with the palm of his hand. Dan's hips twitch, helping to grind his hard cock against Arin's hand.

He can only stand to tease Dan for a moment, the need to touch his bare cock overpowering the urge to go slow and tease the sweet sounds from the other man. Dan's boxers are gone in two seconds flat, lying rumpled on the living room floor. His cock is bigger than Arin remembers it being, now fully hard. Arin licks his palm before he wraps a hand around Dan's cock, giving him a firm squeeze that earns him a beautiful groan from Dan. Arin starts to stroke Dan's dick, slow, enjoying the feel of Dan twitching against his fingers.

"Fuck, Arin," Dan groans. He's on his elbows, watching Arin touch him. Arin had imagined this so many times but this, the real thing, it's so much better.

Arin circles his hand around the head of Dan's dick, his thumb pressing just under the head. Dan shivers, his hips jerking up. Arin leans forward, gripping the base of Dan's dick, and lowers his mouth to Dan's cock, flicking his tongue out against the tip. He keeps his eyes locked on Dan the entire time.

Arin is still feeling giddy, brave, when he decides to try taking Dan into his mouth. He licks around the head of Dan's dick, and Dan full-out moans, loud and long in surprise. The first thing he notices is the taste. With Suzy the dildo tasted rubbery, and like the faint tang of the edible lube they sometimes use. It isn’t like that with Dan. No, Dan’s cock tastes a little like sweat, and he’s hot against Arin’s tongue. Arin's cock twitches appreciatively. Dan's dick is already leaking and Arin greedily licks at the pre-cum beading at the slit. Dan bites his lip, looks like he's working hard to keep his hips still. Arin can't believe it's him that's working Dan up, him that's getting all these noises. He's making Dan sound like this, feel like this.

He moves his hand to the base of Dan's dick and opens his mouth, starting to take Dan inside. It's so much different than when he's sucked the dildo. Dan is warm in his mouth, a clean and salty taste overtaking him. The weight is different, too, and, unlike Suzy, Dan can feel Arin's mouth on him. Arin moans, he can't help it, and Dan grunts from somewhere above him. Just as he starts to move his mouth, working slowly down the length of Dan's dick, he feels Dan's hand find his head, Dan's fingers twine softly in his hair.

Dan guides him just a little, his hand cupping the back of Arin's head. Arin fucking loves it. He wants Dan to take over, take control. Arin wants to take whatever Dan will give him. He maybe gets a little ahead of himself. His mouth is so wet, Dan's cock slippery with Arin's spit. Arin thinks about taking Dan deeper, how he wants more. He dips lower, the thick head of Dan's cock touching the back of his throat. He wants so badly to take him all the way, but Dan is only three-quarters of the way in his mouth. Any deeper and Arin would be choking.

Arin bobs his head, hollowing his cheeks. His hand is wet around the base of Dan's cock. While Arin's sucking Dan’s dick, Dan is making these goddamn noises, these beautiful little grunts and moans. Arin is pretty sure he could jerk off and come just to Dan's noises.

"A - Arin, holy shit...if you want me to fuck you, you'd better stop before I come."

Arin actually debates this for a moment. He would love to make Dan come right here and now. He would fucking love to taste Dan's come and know he was the reason for it, but he wants Dan inside of him even more than that. Reluctantly, Arin pulls off of Dan's dick with a filthy, wet sound. Dan's hand takes the place of Arin's around the base of his dick. Arin watches as Dan squeezes at the base of his shiny cock, his breathing harsh. Dan opens his eyes and looks at Arin, groaning when their eyes meet.

"How did you learn to do that?" Dan asks, breathlessly. "Because that was too good to be a first time."

"Suzy," Arin says. "I've sucked the dildo she uses on me."

Dan throws an arm over his face, his other hand still squeezing his cock, "Holy fuck, that's hot."

Arin smirks, wipes at his mouth with the back of his hand, and crawls up Dan's body so that the two of them are face-to-face. Dan moves his arm from his face and Arin leans in to kiss Dan. The older man accepts the kiss and his tongue sweeps over Arin's. Arin groans at the idea of Dan tasting himself on Arin's tongue.

"You know what else is hot?" Arin says as he breaks the kiss with Dan. "You, fucking me."

Dan nods. "Agreed. We should probably go to my room. I really like this couch and Barry might murder me if we get spunk on it."

Arin scoots back and Dan stands up, offering his hand for Arin to take. The two of them walk, fingers laced together, to Dan's room. Arin's been in here several times, but this time, for this reason, it just feels shockingly intimate. It makes something warm bloom in his chest. Dan releases Arin's hand and Arin moves back towards the bed. Dan strips off the messy comforter, leaving just the sheets behind. Arin, nerves growing in him, crawls on Dan's bed, his heart speeding up. The pillows and sheets smell like Dan. Arin kind of wants to sink his face into the soft pillows and breathe in the scent, but, with Dan right here, it would be one hundred percent embarrassing.

From somewhere in the room, Dan laughs. Arin sits up and spots Dan hovering near the door, a little spark of panic welling up in him, like Dan might just bolt after all.

"What?" Arin asks.

Dan shakes his head. "Nothing, just...do you think I should get the pizza tie?" he asks, jerking his thumb at the door knob, referencing the time Barry had used the tie on the door when he fucked Arin at their place.

"Oh, my God," Arin says with a laugh. "No, just come over here."

Dan nods, his goofy smile still in place. Arin notices the small bottle Dan has in his hands. Dan crawls on to the bed, joining Arin in the center, pulling him in for a sweet kiss, one where Arin can feel the dumb smile on Dan's mouth. He shows Arin the bottle in his hands. It's a small bottle of lube and Arin thanks God that Dan had the foresight to make sure he had lube.

"Do you want to...?" Dan starts, his voice dropping into a careful, sultry whisper. It reminds Arin of the fact that Dan's never done this before. "Or I could? If you want that?"

Arin cups his hands around Dan's, the lube cold between their warm palms. "You want to get me ready?"

"Fuck," Dan says. "Absolutely."

"Then it's settled," Arin says, and he lies back on the bed, spreading his legs a little for Dan. Dan is over him, kneeling on the bed, the lube in his hands and his eyes wide and dark. "I'll help you," Arin adds because Dan hasn't moved yet. "I'll also tell you if you suck at it."

Dan laughs, and it's enough to get him moving. He settles between Arin's legs, his hand running up Arin's thigh. Arin is shivering already, anticipating the beautiful, wet touch. Dan's hand is replaced by his mouth. He presses soft, damp kisses to Arin's inner thigh. Arin feels a little dizzy, having Dan's mouth so teasingly close to his dick. Arin recognizes the sound of the lube being opened, the sharp snap of the cap making his dick twitch in a Pavlovian response.

Arin spreads his legs a little wider, giving Dan more access. He raises his hips, trying to help Dan as much as he can. When Arin glances down, all he sees is Dan's wild mess of hair between his legs and then he feels the first tentative touch of cool, wet fingers against his asshole. Arin sucks in a gasp and then Dan's face is there, watching him to make sure he's doing it right, that it's still okay. Arin nods in response, though he's sure the look on his face is speaking for itself.

Dan rubs his slick fingers against Arin's entrance, wetting him, teasing him. Arin's body is shivering. Dan is careful, more careful than Arin is when he opens himself up. Dan is still rubbing at his entrance, spreading the slickness around. As he touches Arin, his mouth kisses at Arin's thighs. It's sweet, and a reminder that the point of all of this isn't just to fuck, not to ease the burning in Arin's soul that requires a good, hard fucking now and then. This, what he's doing with Dan, is coming from a place of real emotion, of love. It makes Arin's stomach swirl a little.

"Dan," Arin says, and Dan whips his head up again, like he's worried he's fucking up. "You can, fuck, you can use your fingers inside me now."

"Right," Dan says, nodding. "Okay."

"Just make sure they're slick and go slow at first," Arin says, guiding Dan a little.

Again, Dan nods and, again, there is the sound of the cap opening, then the wet touch of Dan's fingers at his opening. This time, they don't tease around the rim; this time, Dan starts pushing one inside. Arin breathes, remains slack and open for Dan. He's aware he's making tiny little noises, not of discomfort or pleasure exactly, just adjusting to the feeling. Dan isn't as hesitant as Arin had thought he would be as he works one slick finger inside of him.

"Fuck," Dan murmurs from between Arin's legs.

"What?" Arin asks, his voice breathy already.

"Just...it's different, but you're so tight already and it's just my finger...shit, that's hot."

Arin can feel heat rising to his cheeks, and he squeezes around Dan's finger inside of him. Dan groans and then Arin is rewarded with a second finger pushing inside. Arin's breathing is ragged now with Dan's fingers moving slowly in and out of him. It seems he's gained his confidence because he moves a little surer now. Arin is about to ask him to start scissoring his fingers so that he will be stretched, but Dan beats him to it, opening his fingers inside of Arin.

Arin moans at the delicious stretch, the feeling of being opened and getting ready to take him. Dan's fingers are slender and long, fucking fast and amazing inside of him. Arin's cheeks are hot as he realizes he's rocking his hips down against Dan's fingers, trying to get more of that feeling. Dan's mouth moves hot along Arin's thigh. Arin strokes a hand over his cock, just once, because he can't trust himself not to jerk off to this. His cock is so hard, standing stiff and red, just begging to be touched. Arin squeezes at the base of his dick, groaning at the touch, and his noise pulls one from Dan. Arin can feel Dan's eyes hot on him, burning right through him as his fingers fuck Arin's ass. His gaze disappears and his fingers still slide slickly in and out of Arin's ass, then there's a sudden wetness that presses against Arin's asshole. It isn't Dan’s fingers, and Arin glances down to see Dan's head moving. Dan's tongue has moved from Arin's thighs, moved to lick around his fingers, his mouth dragging against the rim of muscle. A deep moan is pulled from Arin, and his whole body arches both upward and back, trying to get more. He wants more.

"Holy shit, Dan," Arin groans, his voice shaking.

Dan's mouth is insistent, his tongue working fast and slick alongside his fingers. Fuck, if Dan keeps going, there's no way in hell that Arin is going to last long enough to get fucked.

"Dan, Danny, Daniel...I'm ready...please," Arin pants.

He almost wishes he hadn't said anything because then the delicious, wet mouth is gone and Dan is looking at him with slick lips, his hair hanging in his face. "Are you sure?" He asks, his voice rough.

"Oh, my God, I don't think I've ever been more ready."

"Okay," Dan says. He wipes at his mouth with the back of his hand. "How do you want to...?”

"Like this," Arin says, spreading his legs a little more, the warm air of the room hitting him where he's slick and tingling.

Dan crawls up the bed, up over Arin's body, and he's hovering in front of Arin's face again. He kisses Arin, and now he doesn't taste the same as before. Now he tastes like lube and like sweat, an unfamiliar taste that must belong to Arin. Dan pulls away, Arin leaning up to chase his mouth even though he has to move to get condoms and reclaim the bottle of lube.

Then Dan is sliding on a condom and slicking himself up and going back between Arin's legs, closer now, his hips spreading Arin's thighs even more. Now the two of them are skin-to-skin. Dan's body is burning hot against Arin's. Dan plants his hands on either side of Arin's head, dipping down to brush their mouths together. It was one thing to have Dan on top of him being fully clothed, but now they're both naked and there's miles of warm, bare skin between them. Arin can definitely feel Dan's hard, slick cock digging into his thigh. A part of him still feels like he's dreaming.

Arin rocks his hips up, his own cock brushing against Dan's flat stomach. Dan groans and settles more firmly between Arin's legs.

"Logistically, I know how this works, but I’m also not sure how this works," Dan whispers against Arin's cheeks, like he's embarrassed to admit it.

"Here," Arin says, raising a leg and placing it against Dan's shoulder, testing to see if he can bear the weight. The other leg comes up to hook around Dan's hip, locking them together. Dan seems grateful for the help and then he's holding his dick pressing against Arin's entrance.

There is one wavering moment where Dan is looking at him and Arin feels like he can read what is passing through Dan's thoughts because his are the same. For as far as they've come, this is a wall, an edge; if they pass through this last barrier, everything will be changed, in some way altered. It's terrifying, but Arin wants it, and he runs his hands up Dan's arms and just hopes he feels the same way.

Dan presses inside slowly. Arin isn't as stretched as usual, and Dan is bigger than he's used to, but it's already so fucking good. Dan is opening him up, Arin's body stretching to accommodate him. Dan doesn't stop pressing until he's completely inside of Arin; only then, when he bottoms out, does he stop. Dan leans forward so that he's over Arin again, Arin's leg hitched up over Dan's shoulder. With their positions, Dan feels deep already and Arin is in fucking heaven.

He squeezes around Dan's dick, and Dan groans in response. "You're so fucking tight, Arin. God, it feels so good."

Arin knows Dan is keeping still to try and give him time to adjust, but he wants to be fucked so badly, the heat inside of him flaring up and devouring Arin from the inside out.

Still, he waits, gets accustomed to the feeling of Dan inside of him. Finally, Dan starts moving, a little roll of his hips against Arin's, pressing himself even deeper inside. Arin's fingers dig into the clean white sheets of Dan's bed as he groans.

Then Dan is pulling out almost all the way. Arin lets out an embarrassing whine at the loss of Dan being so deep inside, but then Dan's cock is pushing back inside of him in one fluid movement, filling him again.

"Fuck, Dan," Arin gasps, his other hand, the one not digging into the sheets, finding Dan's wrist, holding on to him in a loose grip, “You are so big inside of me. I feel so full, fuck.” 

Dan grunts in response, his hips jerking against Arin’s ass. Dan recovers and sets up a good rhythm, fucking Arin slow but deep, like he knows what Arin needs right at that moment. This is everything Arin ever wanted or hoped it could be. Dan has him, Dan is taking care of him, fucking him so sure and so deep, and everything feels so hot, so good. Arin's head is swimming, his body positively burning alive. This isn't like any other time he's been fucked, not like with anyone else, not even Suzy.

Dan is kissing him again, their mouths moving slowly, tongues sliding together. Dan's hips rock in small, controlled thrusts. This isn't what Arin is used to but, holy shit, it's good. Dan stays deep inside of him even with the slow speed. Dan's mouth moves to Arin's neck, kissing the skin there, biting lightly, his teeth grazing skin.

"You can go faster. You don't have to worry about hurting me," Arin tells Dan.

"Fuck," Dan groans. His hips stutter, losing the rhythm, “You’re so hot, Arin. You got any idea how you look? How you _sound_?” 

Arin can’t answer, he can only process the way that Dan grinds his cock slowly into him. Dan does what Arin asks of him, his pace shifting into something faster. Dan's body is mostly sharp angles, the sharp points of his hips and his thin arms, his slight waist. He's light and quick and rolls his hips against Arin's. The way they are, with Dan leaning down and Arin so fucking open under him, their position has Arin's cock trapped between their stomachs. Their skin sliding damp against Arin’s sensitive dick. He's so hard, but he's scared to even touch himself, scared to come so early and lose this moment.

Arin turns his head, moaning against the pillow under his head. The pillow he's using smells like Dan, Dan's sweat, his aftershave, that smell that belongs purely to Dan. Arin feels his leg slipping from around Dan's hip and then he feels Dan's hand on Arin's free leg, hefting that one up to his shoulder to join the other. Now, when Dan leans forward it pushes Arin's knees close to his chest, makes Arin's breath go tight, but it also changes the angle and, when Dan fucks into him again, it's even deeper than before.

Arin moans, breathless and shaking. He focuses for a moment on the way his feet are resting against Dan's shoulders, Dan's hair tickling his ankles. He also focuses on the sounds of the two of them, their shared harsh breaths, the sound of Dan's hips crashing against Arin's ass, the wet, slick noise of Dan's dick fucking him so good. He wishes he could be on the outside, like some out-of-body experience where he could watch Dan fuck him. He wants to see what the two of them look like together, if Dan's body meeting his looks as good as it feels.

In a way, he can't believe it is Dan making him feel this way. It seems crazy, impossible, that it all could have worked out this way and that Dan's mouth is moving against his skin, Dan's cock is in his ass, Dan is fucking him. Arin just can't believe it, but he'll take it.

"Arin," Dan says through a pant, drawing Arin's attention to the soft face above him. "Will you tell me what it feels like?"

Arin groans, his eyes sliding closed. It seems like so much to ask, for Arin to boil down everything he's feeling into a reasonable explanation for Dan. Fuck. He'll try.

"So good, Dan. I - I used to think about this all the time. I would imagine what it would be like if it were you fucking me and, God, I would come so hard just thinking of you. Now, fu - fuck, your dick is so good inside of me. I feel like I could come just from you fucking me. No one would even have to touch me."

"Shit," Dan hisses from above Arin, his breath hot against Arin's face. His hips jerk unsteadily. "You have no fucking idea how hot you are," Dan is saying, "you're so goddamn tight and just...open for me. Holy shit, Arin."

Arin can't help but moan at that. Everything around him is so hot, from Dan's body to his own hot skin, flushed with need, the room stifling with heat and their friction. He couldn't be any closer to Dan than right now in this moment.

Dan is moving faster now, just a little. His cock is still pressing in deep and, with the faster speed, Dan finally, though most likely unintentionally, hits that sweet spot inside of Arin. Arin's body jerks and he groans, biting at his lip. Dan's eyes are wide and dark as he searches Arin's face, questioning.

"Fuck, just do that again," Arin breathes.

Dan fucks him deep and slow and, again, he nudges Arin's prostate. Arin's body is positively shaking under Dan, the muscles in his legs bunched and cramped, but it's good. Everything is so good. He isn't sure how much Dan knows and Arin doesn't think he has the words to explain it to him, so all he can get out is, "More, please, more." Dan listens, hips working fast and deep. Arin's cock twitches where it's trapped between their stomachs, his skin slick with the way his cock is leaking. He really could come like this, with no one touching his dick except for the slight slide of their skin brushing the sensitive head.

Arin's hips rock up against Dan's. He meets Dan thrust for thrust to try and catch more of that sweet sensation. He isn't sure how much longer he can hold out, not when his body is shaking so much already. He wants it to go on forever, like some hot and hazy dream that will never end.

Dan's hands slide up the backs of Arin's thighs. Dan's leaning back a little so that they aren't pressed as close, so that he can look down at Arin and watch them. His eyes flick down to where his cock is sliding into Arin's ass, and Arin can see him groan, see him shiver, and the only thing better than having Dan fucking him is watching Dan start to fall apart.

"Arin, I - I'm not sure," Dan mumbles, bending forward to get his mouth against Arin's chest, kissing the heated skin there. Arin brings a hand up to Dan's hair, twines his sweaty fingers into the messy strands.

"Are you close?" Arin whispers.

Dan actually fucking whimpers, the noise shooting straight to Arin's dick, and he breathes open-mouthed against Arin's chest as his hips work frantically. "I am, fuck, I am. It's so much. It's so good."

Arin draws Dan's face up, his fingers tugging in Dan’s hair gently but hard enough to earn a groan from the other man. They kiss, frantic, messy, but sweet at the same time and Arin can feel his body boiling everywhere.

"Will you come on me?" Arin says. He isn't sure why he's saying it - he's never wanted it before - but oh, God, does he want it now. Secretly, if this wasn't brand new, Arin would want Dan to come inside of him - no condom, no barrier, just feeling Dan finish there - but that's not for now, maybe not ever. He can get this if Dan will give it to him, though.

Dan groans wetly against Arin's skin. "Fuck, yes, okay. If that's what you want?"

"I want it, please," Arin says. "Please, Dan."

Dan's eyes are hot, burning as deep as Arin's skin. He kisses Arin fiercely and then he's easing out of Arin, his cock sliding free. Arin whimpers, breathy, as he becomes empty, mourning the loss of Dan's cock, hard inside of him. Arin lowers his legs from Dan's shoulders, setting them down on the bed, still spread open and wide for Dan. He watches, leaning up on his elbows as Dan slips the condom off, spits on his palm before he wraps a hand around his hard dick.

Dan groans, his head tipping down and the crown of his hair falling in his face. He's a lean, straight line in front of Arin. His cock is hard as he starts stroking himself. Dan knee-walks the few inches that separate them, edging closer to Arin. He's close enough that, when his hand twists around the head of his dick, his knuckles graze across Arin's bare thigh.

Now free of Dan's body, Arin's own dick is hard, begging for attention. Arin ignores his dick and instead places two fingers in his mouth, sucking them to wet them. He watches Dan jerk off, the red tip of his cock leaking against his fist. Arin shifts, drops his hand low between his legs, and, with ease, pushes his two wet fingers inside of himself.

Arin and Dan moan in unison, Arin from fingering himself and Dan from watching Arin finger himself. Arin's eyes want to slip close, but he doesn't dare let them. He can't allow himself to miss the beautiful sight of Dan in front of him. Arin presses his fingers deep, trying to curl upward to brush the spot that Dan had found inside of him. He tries to replicate the feeling of Dan fucking his ass. It isn't enough, nowhere close, but it's good.

Dan's chest is heaving, his face flush and his red lip caught between his teeth. Dan's free hand skates up Arin's thigh, brushes over his hip, touches the curve of his stomach, anywhere but his cock.

"Arin, I'm gonna - I'm about to - " Dan groans, shifting impossibly closer, close enough that Arin has to pull his fingers from his ass because Dan's knees are there. Arin watches as Dan's body draws tight, his hand moving so fast over his dick. He watches as Dan shivers, shudders, moaning obscene and loud, as he comes for Arin. Dan comes in thick, white ropes, shooting his come over Arin's stomach, some of it landing on his thigh. Dan has come dribbling over his fingertips. Arin wants to taste. He wants to push Dan down and suck on his fingers all fucking day.

Dan is panting, red-faced, his free hand braced on Arin's thigh, propping himself up. Arin swipes his fingers through Dan's come, sticky on his skin. He can't help himself. He brings his come-coated fingers to his mouth and sucks two of them in, licking them clean. From above him, Dan groans again.

"I just came, dude," Dan says. "Stop being so hot."

Arin smiles around his fingers, popping them from his mouth. Only now does Arin finally allow himself to touch his dick. He skims his fingers through Dan's come again and wraps a sticky hand around his cock. Arin groans. He wants to put on a show for Dan, but he's so keyed up, so close to coming already, that he can’t focus on anything except for stroking himself firm and fast, Dan's come making the slide easier.

Dan's hands are stroking his skin, up his legs, touching his hips, and then one of Dan's hands knock against Arin's. Dan ushers Arin's hand away from his dick, his own hand taking its place. Dan's hand is wet with his own come and now he's curling his hand around Arin's cock, jerking him off.

Arin hisses and his eyes fall closed, just for a second, his body both tight and lax for Dan. Arin watches Dan, watches his sure, nimble fingers working over his dick.

"Dan," Arin groans, his body arching up to meet him. He's resorted to fucking into Dan's fist. Dan spreads his free hand open over Arin's hip, pressing to keep him against the bed. The fire inside of Arin roars bright. He wants that. He wants Dan's sure hands pressing him down, moving him wherever Dan wants him.

Arin's body is twitching, his hips jerking under Dan's palm. Dan's thumb slides over the slit of Arin's cock, spreading pre-cum over the head. He presses his thumb lower, just under the head of Arin's dick, and Arin sees stars. He's aware that he’s mumbling nonsense, panting and making these noises that are incoherent. With Dan's hands on his skin, Dan all around him, Arin tumbles over the edge and comes harder than he ever has in his life. His vision darkens and he's aware of the moan ripping through him. When he calms down, breathing harshly against the mattress, he looks at Dan, seeing his fingers coated white.

Arin groans weakly as Dan slides his sticky fingers into his mouth, sucking Arin's come off of them, tasting Arin for the first time. Arin's dick twitches at the thought. Dan cleans his fingers and then he's sitting there, looking unsure of what to do. Arin, still panting, raises a hand and beckons him close.

"You don't get to go without cuddling me,” Arin says.

Dan laughs. "I wouldn't dream of it." He climbs up on the bed, lying down next to him.

Even though the two of them just fucked and even though they've both essentially confessed their feelings to each other, there's something, an unfamiliarity that settles in. What happens to them now? What are they now?

"You smell disgusting," Dan murmurs against Arin's temple.

Arin laughs. "Well, I'm covered in your come, dude."

Defining their relationship can wait, Arin thinks. Dan’s body slides in close next to his, their knees and fingers brushing until finally they're settled, Dan's chest curled against Arin's back, his chin hooked over Arin's shoulder. He can feel Dan's breath warm against the side of his face. Right now, it's easy. Right now, the whole world is for them, just the two of them. For all Arin cares, the whole world might as well be condensed down to Dan's bed and their bodies and the way Arin feels when Dan twines their fingers together.

\--

Arin falls asleep in Dan's bed, Dan's body pressed against his own. When he wakes up several hours later, he's a little dazed and more than a little surprised to feel Dan still there, like he had forgotten what had just happened. Arin rolls over, turning to face Dan. His body feels gross with Dan's come dried on his stomach and thighs. Dan is still asleep, but he shifts a little. Arin can't resist leaning forward to press a soft kiss to Dan's mouth because he's allowed to, because he can.

Dan murmurs against Arin's mouth and, finally, his eyes flicker open. He smiles as he finds Arin's face in front of him. There are words stuck in the back of Arin's throat. He has so much he wants to say all of the sudden, like the words had been building up in his sleep, ready to spring from his mouth the second he'd shaken off the post-sleep fog.

He and Dan had been so eager to fuck, so ready to ease the tension that had been building since God knows when. Now that they've fucked and the blinding passion has edged away, it leaves them bare and alone in the bed to sort through the real shit, the kind of shit that Arin knows scares Dan.

Dan runs a clumsy hand up Arin's side, fingers tracing lazy patterns on his hip. He still looks sleepy, his hair a goddamn mess, but he's smiling this calming smile, a small turn of his lips that puts Arin at ease.

"You want to take a shower?" Dan asks, his voice delicious and deep with sleep.

Instead of Arin barfing out all the thoughts that are currently swirling around in his head, he says a simple, "Yeah."

Showering with Dan might be weirder than sleeping with Dan. The two of them are crammed in the tiny space of the shower with the water running just this side of too hot. Arin keeps knocking over Barry's bottles of fancy body wash that Suzy had given him with his elbows. There's a giddy little feeling in Arin's chest as he stands there with Dan, the two of them naked and wet. He's reminded of the Korean spa where he didn't actually get to see Dan naked at all. He feels young, almost like a teenager, suddenly shy to actually see Dan's body and share his own.

Still, it's nice, Dan scrubbing at Arin's stomach with a washcloth.

"It's the least I can do," Dan says with a laugh as he washes away the dried traces of his come. "Are you feeling okay? Like, should I be doing something else for you?"

"I'm okay," Arin says. "A little sore, but that's normal."

Arin doesn't mention that he likes the slight burn. He likes it even more now that it's because of Dan.

Once the two of them are done showering, they're back in Dan's bedroom. The two of them are dressed again and Arin is combing his hair with his fingers. Dan flicks around the room with a nervous energy to his movements. Arin can feel it, too, a bundle of nerves sitting like a stone in his stomach. Somehow, even though they fucked, the status between them isn't exactly clear.

"So," Dan finally says, "I'm not sure what happens now?"

He drops down on the bed next to Arin, their thighs touching. Arin drops his hands in his lap, grateful that it isn't just him feeling this way. He glances at Dan, heart speeding up. It's easy to say that they love each other because he knows that it's true, and it's easy to fuck each other, but the hard part comes with trying to label whatever the fuck is happening.

"What do you...ah...what do you want to happen?"

"Well, I want to do that again, for sure," Dan says with a laugh, gesturing to the bed where the sheets are rumpled and probably stained.

Arin nods. He does, too, as soon as possible and as much as possible, but he's also scared that, somehow, the two of them will become what he and the other Grumps were, just sex. Granted, sex with Dan was one of the most romantic experiences of his life, but he couldn't take it if it was strictly sex.

"What else?" Arin asks, a serious tone in his voice.

Dan picks up on it and his smile slides away.

"What else am I allowed to have?"

"What?" Arin asks.

"Like, I don't know...I already told you how I feel about you. I do love you, but you're still kinda...married..."

"I know," Arin says, "but I've talked about it with Suzy and it's alright. I'm not gonna leave her, but I want to be with you, too...if you're okay with that?"

Dan smiles and nods. He reaches over and bumps their fingers together before twining them. Dan's hand is a warm and solid weight and Arin leans over, closes the space between them, brushing his lips against Dan's.

"I'm okay with it," Dan says, his breath gentle against Arin's face. "I just want you."

"Alright, I guess I should make it official, then."

Dan laughs. "What do you mean?"

Arin seeks out Dan's other hand, lacing their fingers together. He's aware that he's smiling too big, like a fucking dumbass, but he can't help it. How could he be so lucky to get to actually have Dan? To get what he wanted so badly?

"Will you be my boyfriend, Dan?" Arin asks.

Dan's smile is just as big as Arin's when he nods and leans forward to kiss Arin again.

"Fucking absolutely."

They are kissing again, Dan's hands roaming up Arin's sides. Arin is pretty sure that he could stay here like this forever, twined with Dan, their mouths meeting, soft and wet, and Dan's hands tracing hot against his skin.

"I gotta take you on a real date soon, then," Arin says between kisses. "Wherever you want to go."

"Okay, what's the most expensive restaurant around here?" Dan asks. Arin snorts against his lips.

Eventually, they break apart and Arin feels like he's floating, like his insides are all warm and fuzzy and gross and puke-y.

"We need to tell the others, don't you think?" Dan asks. They've migrated to the couch, their legs tangled together. It feels so similar to how they've spent nights recording that, if one of the others were to walk in on them, they probably wouldn't even bat an eye.

Arin nods, though he's scared, suddenly, to tell Barry and Ross. Suzy has it figured out already and they have an understanding, but Arin still feels strange admitting he has a boyfriend. Mostly he's scared because right now things are perfect and the whole world is for the two of them, a quiet, peaceful haven. To let anyone else in is giving up a part of that. He can tell Dan wants to admit it straight away, his face sincere and open. It probably has to do with the fact that Arin had kept so much from him, that they both had kept their feelings from each other.

"Right," Arin says. "I guess we gotta lay everything bare."

\--

Like most things related to Game Grumps, nothing is planned and everything is winged wildly. Arin and Dan decide to tell Suzy first, the two of them leaving the safe bubble of Dan and Barry's place and piling into Arin’s car to drive to his house. Being outside, Arin almost feels like, for a second, that everyone knows already, like they can tell just by looking at them that something has changed, shifted. He's being paranoid, he knows. Arin is more nervous when they park behind Suzy's car in his driveway, but then Dan's hand is finding his own, covering it gently, and he smiles at him.

They walk up to the house, but Dan hangs back at the last second as Arin opens the door.

"Dan?" Arin asks, spotting the hesitation on Dan's face.

"Maybe you should tell her privately? Like, I don't know...it somehow feels wrong for me to be there."

Arin steps away from the door. Now it's his turn to take Dan's hand. Arin guides him toward the door. "Come on. You and Suzy are the two people I love more than anyone else in the world. We've gotta do this together."

Dan smiles, but he doesn't look completely convinced.

They find Suzy in the living room, Mimi curled on her lap as she plays her Nintendo 3DS. She looks up at them when they enter the room, her eyes lighting up as they land on Arin's face. He watches her gaze shift to Dan and then, finally, to their hands linked together.

For a second, Arin can't breathe. He loves Suzy so much, so unbelievably much, and he knows that saying that she would stay and actually staying when faced with the fact that your husband is dating someone else are two different things. Arin could never blame her if she couldn't keep her promise, but it scares him all the same.

Suzy's face is blank for a moment. Dan starts squirming, his palm growing damp in Arin's hand, then she smiles at them and Arin can feel the air return to him in a giant _whoosh_.

"I take it things went well?” she asks.

Arin glances back at Dan before he nods. "You could say that."

Suzy pats the open spots on the couch next to her. "Okay, you have to spill the details."

Arin and Dan fill the spots on the couch next to Suzy, Arin sitting beside her and Dan next to him. Instinctively, Arin reaches out to take Suzy's hand, too. He's got both of them on either side, warm and real, and they both love him. Arin doesn't deserve it; like most things in his life, somehow, he lucked out.

The two of them stumble through re-telling the story of what had happened at Dan and Barry's place, Dan's face growing redder and redder each moment. Fuck, Suzy's face pinks up, too. It's a part of their ritual, after all, for Arin to spill the details of his fucking but never with the other person also in the room. Still, the sex is actually the least important part of the story.

"So, uh, Dan's kinda my boyfriend now?” Arin says.

Dan leans forward past Arin so that he can see Suzy's face. "With your permission, of course."

Suzy smiles and reaches over to pat Dan's hand where it's shaking nervously on his knee.

"It's okay," she says. "Really. I've been expecting this for a long time now."

"Shit, did we really suck at hiding it that bad?" Dan groans into his hands.

Finally having Suzy's confirmation seems to calm Dan, allowing him to know that it really is okay to be doing this. They can make it work.

"I mean, we'll just have to establish some ground rules or a schedule or some shit," she adds. "We gotta share him now." She winks at Dan and he breaks into a giddy giggle.

"The next step is to tell the guys,” Arin says. Though confessing to Suzy has made the prospects seem that much easier, Ross and Barry had been the ones to spell it out for Arin in the first place.

"I think they're at the office," Suzy says, fishing her phone out from under Mimi's curled body. "We could meet them there?"

Half an hour later, the three of them arrive at the office where Barry and Ross are working - though, when they arrive, work is probably the last thing they're doing. Barry is collapsed on one of the giant bean bags they had gotten, his DS in hand, while Ross is watching some anime series that Arin can't remember the name of.

"Hey, so, Grump meeting!" Arin calls out.

He and Dan don't hold hands here, but they do sit on the couch together. Suzy drops down on the far end, her usual favored spot. Barry and Ross grumble but reluctantly stumble to their feet, plopping down on the couch. Its one strange moment where they're all together that Arin realizes with some embarrassment that now everyone on the couch has fucked him.

"So...what's up?” Barry asks.

Dan seems nervous again. Arin can see his leg bouncing, hands fidgeting in his lap.

"Okay, I'm just gonna be blunt about this because there is really no other way to put it after all we've been through," Arin says. "Dan and I had sex and now we're dating."

"Arin!" Dan says, burying his face in his hands. "You could have been a _little_ less blunt about it."

"Sorry, I was just stating facts."

Dan groans, but he finally looks up to gauge the reaction of the others.

Ross looks...well, Arin can't really tell. Not upset or anything, maybe just neutral about everything. Barry, on the other hand, is grinning like a fucking idiot.

"Fucking finally!" Barry says.

From the other side of the couch, Suzy laughs. "I know, right? That's what I said."

Barry leans over and nudges Arin in the side with his elbow. “The dick of true love, am I right?”

"The what now?" Dan asks. 

Now it is Arin’s turn to groan while Barry continues smiling like a fucking fool.

"It isn't going to change anything," Arin says, "like work or anything...but, ah, on a non-work related subject, Dan and Suzy will be the only ones I have sex with from now on, so I guess that counts as a change?"

Barry shrugs. "Whatever you want, man."

Arin glances at Ross, as he's remained silent for much longer than is usual for him. For a split second, Ross's face is tense, a shadowy look overtaking him. Arin only catches it for the briefest of moments before Ross is smiling.

"Congrats, you guys. I mean it. Dan, treat our boy right," Ross says as he leans over both Barry and Arin, his knees digging into their legs as he reaches out and claps Dan on the shoulder.

Dan rolls his eyes, but he must be feeling braver because his hand finds Arin's, taking hold.

"Aw," Barry says, and Dan immediately goes pink.

"Wait," Ross says a moment later. "Does that mean we have to get two anniversary gifts for you guys? One for you and Suzy and one for you and Dan?"

"Oh, fuck, yeah, it does!" Dan says with a laugh. "No one is skimping out on gifts."

"Bullshit!" Ross says, but he's smiling now.

"Well, this was easier than expected," Dan says. He’s visibly relaxed now, slumped against the back of the couch, his thigh pressed against Arin's.

"Of course it was," Suzy says.

"We're your family," Barry says. "Of course we'd understand."

"Plus, you two are, like, the worst at dating or being subtle,” Ross says. "I seriously don't understand how you're so terrible at it."

"Hey, now, remember, I have a wife and a boyfriend. I think I'm doing okay," Arin says. "But, really, if anyone has any questions or concerns, feel free to address them. I realize that I made things sort of messy. I want to make sure we're all good."

The others nod in agreement. Ross gives them a half-assed thumbs up. His attention already drifting back to his desk where he had paused his anime.

"So," Barry says, "meeting over? I was in the middle of a serious Monster Hunter session."

"Yeah, that's all," Arin says. Barry and Ross wander away. Suzy lingers for a moment, eying Arin and Dan, like she's trying to see them as a couple instead of the friends they once were. There will be some adjusting, Arin is sure, but he's confident that they can pull through.

"I might as well get some work done now that I'm here," Suzy says. She stands from the couch to go and move to her desk.

"Okay, babe," Arin says.

That leaves just him and Dan on the couch, pressed together. Arin leans his head back against the couch and turns his face to look at Dan.

"For such a long time, I was so fucking scared of losing you," Arin admits, his voice quiet. "Now it's kinda hard to believe I have you."

"I know," Dan says. "I just thought for so long that it wouldn't work. I put it in my head over and over again that it could never be and now it is just real. Kinda trippy."

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love you and junk," Arin murmurs, feeling like an embarrassed teenager all over again.

Dan laughs. "I love you and your junk, too."

Arin leans over to kiss Dan, silencing his laughter at his own joke. From somewhere in the office, they can hear Barry 'aw'-ing again.


End file.
